The Amazing Race recap: Bamboo-zled

Teams feed elephants and construct wooden instruments in Indonesia; final four teams are....
Ep. 09 | Aired Nov 24, 2013

MUSIC TO HIS EARS Tim has never felt so loved.


Meanwhile, Tim -- punching bag of Pinky, Guitar Hero of my eye, high school choir boy of my heart -- makes quick work of the angklung. He races past Nicole, who can barely snap out of her internal rage blackout to flatly drone, "Tim. What is it." It is not for you to know, Nicole!

Tim basks in the warming glow of a sea of smiling children and returns to his main-squeeze child, his adult partner Marie. "So I made you do it and I was right," she announced. Yep. That's right. Tack another win up there for Marie! Tim just shakes his head in disbelief, as usual. "Yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad." They could be in first place!

But nope: Leo and Jamal win the leg along with $7500 each, which should be more than enough to buy a few celebratory watermelon-banana-sweet-potato-sugar cane cocktails at the hotel bar. (I'd take 2500 myself right about now. I keep fantasizing about all that juicy watermelon those elephants so carelessly left behind!) Marie and Tim come up right behind them and everyone beams as the Afghanimals enjoy their win. Gotta say, these are my picks for an ideal top two right here. Like 'em or not, at least they're not boring.

Back at the cultural/misery center, Amy finishes her instrument and we're treated to an agonizingly drawn-out presentation of her correct octave which includes three separate cuts to Nicole, who's about to absolutely lose her mind. Amy gets it! Jason encourages her to go help Nicole -- "I mean, we don't wanna leave these guys behind," he explains. But Amy apparently takes too long. "You took forever to help her," Jason says, flipping the switch. And suddenly he's in beast mode: "We're not holding anybody's hand. I'm done with this."

Good thing Amy saved Nicole, because Ally and Ashley show up right then and pose… well, not a threat, exactly. They just pose. They're great posers in general, and very cute with kids. I've got nothin' but love for the Ice Princesses. They just weren't beastly enough to stay in the game.

So Nicole and Travis (fourth place) trot up behind Jason and Amy (third) at Bosscha Observatory. "I love you forever, forever," Nicole gushes towards Amy. It's weird for a robot to express emotions, emotions. Phil calls out Travis for sporting a different facial expression than usual. "Yeah… I'm speechless," Travis says. "This leg sort of speaks for itself."

Oh, but he doesn't let it: We get another drawn-out Travis confessional to wrap up the show. "It was a weird, miserable day," he volunteers. "Sometimes there are hard lessons to learn when the Road Blocks come up, and I can't play the game for you," he scolds Nicole. "Look in the mirror, girl, and you gotta fix it." They need to "just keep moving, and praying, and seeing if we can stay together." Jeez. I am not a fan of Nicole, but I'll give her this: Being Nicole seems like it would not be any fun. Ever.

God shrugged again. Would it kill people to wheel Him a watermelon every once and a while?

"Travis and Nicole are going down," the Afghanimals promise. "Karma is a bitch."

Eliminated team members Ally and Ashley go out in style -- Bret Michaels style, to be exact, if we're talking about Ally's elaborately printed head scarf and hairstyle. And I've been dying to talk about this the whole time, because she looked adorable. Would 'Bret Michaels' be a good look for me, too? I kept wondering throughout the episode. Ally and I have pretty much the same hair. But I'm not a princess, neither on ice nor land. I've got a lot of thinking to do.

"Look in the mirror, girl, and you gotta fix it." SHUT UP, TRAVIS. You're not the boss of me.

Next week: Pinky eats a snake, Travis looks like Dennis Rodman in drag, and Leo and Jamal "reach the end of their rope."

Are you happy with this final four? Any idea as to who exactly God's Gifts think they're kidding?


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