Cue Liam trying to get a little shut eye because little guys need sleep, but his printer won’t stop printing endless pages. (Why does every teenager in Beacon Hills have a printer in his or her room? I’m a professional person, and I still have to wait until I get to the office to print off my train tickets.) Anyway, it turns out that the dead pool is automatically printing off from people’s computers all over town and, unlike me, they don’t need repeat viewings of Stiles’ dead pool explanation to figure out what the numbers beside the names mean... or that the list is specifically for supernaturals, not just average high school student murders... or how to get in contact with the person in charge. They don't care. Parrish is worth a cool $5 mil, and Haigh just went for it.
It seems he also recruited a little assassin’s team of—I kid you not—DJs and security guards. In between trying to keep various breeds of supernaturals alive, and figuring out why Chris Argent won’t text him back, Scott has also been charged by Coach with monitoring the annual school bonfire where the lacrosse team like to get tanked. Who knew Beacon Hills High had such school spirit? Do you think the rest of the students ever wonder why the lacrosse captain and his friends are so weird? Are they like the Cullens of BHH?
Two of the McCall pack’s beautiful weirdos are looking to let loose just like the normals tonight, though: Malia is dancing on her own, trying to forget about that time that her only friends lied to her for her entire human adolescent life; and Liam is suffering from post-traumatic stress after his nearly fatal encounter with the Berserkers, so Mason tells him to get as drunk as he wants, because maybe then he’ll tell him the truth about what’s been going on. Mason, may I offer you Danny’s e-mail address—he might have some helpful insights for you.
Shortly before Scott goes on Smirnoff Ice patrol, Lydia fills him in on what she uncovered about her code-writing grandmother, Lorraine Martin, in a beautiful half-flashback, half-oral-history vignette. Apparently Lorraine was once in love with a woman named Maddie and after sensing her death, but not acting on the premonition, went on a mission to figure out why she was hearing things that no one else could. She built a study in her lake house and hired psychologists and other experts of the more trippy variety. They even discovered a girl at Eichen House who heard voices similar to Lorraine’s: Meredith. But their torturous testing drove Meredith mad and she was sent back to Eichen House, where Lorraine eventually joined her. As Lydia says, "My grandmother drove her insane, and I drove her to suicide… and all she ever wanted to do was help."
With the belief that Lydia’s grandmother created the dead pool, Stiles and Lydia set out to figure out the cipher for the code that Lorraine left Lydia. They eventually discover that it’s "Ariel," from Lydia’s memories of reading The Little Mermaid with her grandmother, but the code just reveals another list... a list with Lorraine’s name on it. Parrish tells them that "it’s not another dead pool... more like an already dead pool." Once they realize all the names are people who committed suicide at Eichen House in the past 10 years, Stiles and Lydia head there to bribe the shady orderly who used to enjoy tasing Stiles so much, Brunski, to let them into the records room.
While half of his pack are trying to figure out who the Benefactor is, Scott discovers that the other half have somehow managed to get past the Supernatural Sobriety Defenses and are drunkenly stumbling around at the bonfire rave. But as he and Mason try to sober them up, Scott suddenly starts to feel the effects of Malia’s flask, as well—except he hasn’t had a drink. He realizes that the frequency of the DJ’s music is, uh, sound-poisoning them just as the security guards arrive to pull them inside for a good, old-fashioned Beacon Hills High homicide.
Luckily, Mason is just the sweetest and figures if Scott was worried about the music, then he’ll sacrifice his social status and unplug DJ Dark Cole Plante’s whole operation. Scott, Malia, and Liam regain consciousness just in time to see Derek and Braeden swoop in and beat the crap out of the security guards who were busy dousing their friends in gasoline. I don’t care if their relationship is a little extraneous, and Derek’s sudden propensity for smiling feels foreboding, consider me sold on Derek and Braeden being the cool aunt and uncle to this pack. They’ll sneak you beers when your parents aren’t looking and save you from low-grade assassins. And they don’t even need no stinkin’ guns!
NEXT: Attention teenagers: if you see a cassette tape... RUN.