Malece and Alan -- hip hop with Dave Scott
Music: "Bassline" by Chris Brown
I have never been more incredulous while watching this show than when 98-pound Malece ate a burger, fries, stack of strawberry pancakes, eggs, and a milkshake in a fast-forwarded action sequence. Stunning moves. Beautiful lines! A marvel. I felt like "huge crybaby Alan" after that, as I sobbed into my everything bagel chips and Merkt's almond swiss spread and thought "This is probably it for me, tonight." Anyway, all that junk fortified tiny alien Malece to get down and dirty and "mean" (said Nigel, but I think that's just her serious/only facial expression during the dances?) in the hip hop, while Alan had trouble adopting the swagger. "It was a little stiff for me," complained Nigel, who also lamented the low-crotched pants. (So how could he tell?) I also couldn't believe how much Alan was sweating. His Glisten Factor combined with the ultra cheesiness of his cape solo and his height would make him a perfect Dancing With the Stars candidate, by the way. More! Tall! Guys! Four! More! Seasons!
Hayley and Curtis -- contemporary by Dee Caspary
Music: "Don't Let Go Yet" by David J. Roch
Nigel and Mary (and what the hell, Carly Rae Jepsen) are sick of repeating the choreographers' note to tapper Curtis that he has to lower his shoulders and ground himself during dances. He'll be like a different person if he does it! Aw, that's probably true, but I wasn't consumed by Curtis-related disappointment throughout their ladder-based routine and found it to be pretty awesome in both theory and execution. Poor Dee Caspary looked as terrified of the judges' reaction as Hayley did to be perched on a wiggly ladder in spite of her fear of heights! I too had frightening thoughts: Whenever someone is being chased in an upward direction, I imagine the train tracks scene from Annie. How awful! Help me, Punjab, help! I know. Life is terrible.
Facial Expression of the Night, Surprisingly Not On a Dancer:
Hayley's dad after Curtis coyly admitted to taking her out on a sushi date. He paid!
Amy and Fik-shun -- "hobo jazz" by Tyce Diorio
Music: "Under thé Bridge (Sous le pont)" from The Triplets of Belleville soundtrack
YES! Despite my initial aversion upon hearing Tasty Oreo would be working with a "hobo" theme (of course), this was the coolest in-character routine of the night. Both dancers got really into it -- you'd have to be to pull off crawling out of heaps of trash effectively -- but I continue to be blown away by Amy's whip-fast and effortless style of movement. She's so eerily precise yet so nonchalant about her prowess at the same time! It's so fun to watch. They make a great dance couple, all smiles and energy and mischief. "These hobos need some serious transportation ON THE HOT TAMALE TRAIN!" said Nigel as he teed Mary up. Luckily the hobos have nowhere else to live so they can just HOP RIGHT ON FROM THE DUSTY ROAD!
NEXT: Paul gets surprisingly freaky in a crisp white button-down