I was going to begin by bitching furiously about why in hell Carly Rae Jepsen would be a guest judge (there's not even a results show for her to bounce around on tomorrow!) -- but it's so hot out, why even bother? Besides, I'm happy with the two eliminated this week -- they're both great dancers and perhaps people, but Mariah Spears and Dorian "BluPrint" Hector were the right calls to head home. So any potential rage has been soothingly quelled. My insides are boiling, but I'm standing in front of the freezer. It's fine. This recap is being generated inside an appliance. My laptop is having a mild blast.
Mackenzie, Alan, Curtis, and Jenna also landed in the bottom six. All of them but Jenna had to "dance for their lives" -- Jenna had already proven to the judges that... well, that she was the last remaining female ballroom dancer in the competition, I guess. (Why else would she be immune to the solos, really?)
Alexis and Nico -- jive choreographed by Tony Meredith and Melanie LaPatin
Music: "Mayhem" by Imelda May
I hate to admit that when they showed this dance in the post-show clip series, I barely remembered it had happened. Nigel made sure to drive that point home out loud. "It's really difficult to start the show. You're often forgotten. I hope that doesn't happen to you." Liar! Shut UP, dude, they were thinking. Mary further sunk their battleship with a reference to Honey Boo Boo's go-go juice. And then Cat twisted the knife she'd had hidden in her spike heel by reminding everyone of Alexis' foot injury that had her dancing on the ball of one foot the whole time. All that and Carly Rae Jepsen loved Alexis' bizarrely hemmed '80s party dress?! It was too much torture at once. I'm surprised they weren't eliminated at the end instead of Mariah and BluPrint just by virtue of all this sabotage!
Jenna and Tucker -- contemporary by Travis Wall
Music: "Hangin' By a Thread" by Jann Arden
I know we were supposed to be all gaga for Travis' stunning concept (VELCRO!) and Jenna's ability to work last-minute with Velcro, but I couldn't take my eyes off of Tucker during this routine, whipping his legs around like mad and executing all these fierce spins while she basically hung by two red threads and longed for a life in which she didn't have to pretend to be a puppet. The judges did acknowledge Tucker's gentle partnering in addition to Jenna's vulnerability and gorgeous movement. Mary blubbered an apology about not being able to yell that these two were on the Hot Tamale Train and delivered the first-ever silent woot-woot! of the series. (I'm guessing.)
Congrats to Travis Wall, Stacey Tookey, Mandy Moore, Nappytabs, Cat Deeley, the lighting directors, and Viewers Like Us for their/our Emmy nominations! We are going to win!!!
Mariah and Blu Print -- jazz by Brian Friedman
Music: "Fall Into the Sky" by Zedd & Lucky Date feat. Ellie Goulding
Oh gosh, it's weird to even write about them after they've been obliterated from the dance planet -- you know, the one populated by sky-high Greek columns and errant cuffs for a jazz routine. I didn't quite get "high-octane" from this dance -- the song, certainly, but maybe that was the problem. The dance's energy was so incongruous with the music. Even though a lot was happening, it all seemed somewhat sluggish and oddly timed. At least BluPrint can leave the competition inspired by a tweet Nigel got from some lady earlier today. WHAT WAS THAT?
NEXT: What goes better with hobos than jazz?