The final three are proud of making it all the way to the end. Rob continues to tell us all about his 10 year odyssey. Phillip informs us that "it’s okay to tell the world that I have a relationship with somebody who has been dead since 1870," which gets me mildly excited for a minute because I've long said that the only thing that could beat Survivor is Zombie Survivor. And as for Natalie, well, she manages to deliver the most frightening quote of the evening by telling us that "I'm 19, and I feel like I stand for my generation." If that's the case, then I'm sorry, but that generation is positively SCREWED! Speaking of frightening, we also have to endure lots of close-up shots of Phillip's saggy pink undies as they burn in the fire — the odor of which no doubt kills many small animals in the vicinity.
Off to final Tribal we go, with Phillip sporting a feather and red blanket. Proving what incredible competitors and strategic tacticians they are, Natalie and Phillip use their opening remarks…to talk about how incredible Boston Rob is! "I wouldn't be sitting here right now if it weren't for Boston Rob," Phillip informs the jury. Perhaps worried he hasn't gotten his point across and flattered his competitor enough, Phillip then goes on to dub Rob a "mastermind."
Now it's time to hear from the angry people. Ashley sure is angry. She and Phillip get into an argument about whether he is allowed to speak or not. He does, so she kind of loses that argument by default. Rob pulls a Todd Herzog and kills Grant with kindness, explaining he had to vote him out because the guy was just too gosh darn good. Ralph then does his first astute thing in the game in pointing out to Natalie how she always looks at Rob every time she answers a question to make sure it is okay with her lord and master. Any momentum Ralph starts with, however comes to a screeching halt when he awkwardly asks Phillip "Do you like me?"
Steve doesn't like Phillip, and he lets him know it, but the angriest of the angry has to be Julie, who tells all three finalists that should be ashamed to be related to anyone by whatever means they are related. Whether you're a daughter, father, son, crazy uncle, whatever — you're no good In Julie's book. She says that, "none of you played a respectable game." Maybe she would have a point…had she not buried a grown man's bathing suit! "Don't worry, they'll be all smiles later" Rob whispers to Natalie, and he's right — unless your name is Grant.
David chooses not to talk to the final three at all. Instead he talks directly to the jury and encourages them to vote for Rob, pointing out what a dominating performance he put on. Probably unnecessary at this point, but seeing as what happened in All-Stars and Samoa, it never hurts. Sure enough Rob (who promises this will be his last time playing because he needs "to go home and take care of my wife and my children" — even though he has already signed up to be on yet another reality TV show) does win, although Ralph's vote for "Phile" ruins the shutout. Next thing you know he's hugging wife Amber and his two baby girls who appear to be out way too late for their ages, but I suppose when both your parents have won a million dollars you can kinda do what you want.
NEXT: Notes from the Reunion show