Survivor recap: Double Trouble

Two immunity challenges, two Tribal Councils, and too much dominance by Boston Rob
Ep. 09 | Aired Apr 13, 2011

SMILE IF YOU'RE UNSTOPPABLE Boston Rob continues to control the camp

Michael Yarish/CBS

They say that home is where the heart is. I say your home is where you get sent after making a stupid as hell strategic decision. Welcome back to Redemption Island, Matt! "First and foremost I'd like to congratulate myself for being the most naïve person to ever play the game of Survivor," says Matt, who then goes on to call himself a moron. (His words, not mine.)

Meanwhile, back in Amber's stuffed animal collection, Boston Rob has made even more admirers. David calls Rob's move to vote out Matt "a hit straight out of a mob movie." And then he goes on to name that movie: The Godfather II, with Matt in the role of Fredo about to get popped on the fishing boat. It’s an apt comparison, however The Godfather is just so obvious. I would have been much more impressed if David could have busted out a Mobsters reference — preferably one involving Richard Grieco. I've had Grieco on the mind a lot lately — by the way, if someone ever tells you "I've had Grieco on the mind a lot lately," get the hell out of there and call the police — ever since a few coworkers revealed they had no idea whom he even was. GRIECO! Am I the only guy that watched Booker? Seriously? If Looks Could Kill? Anyone?

Ralph then saunters over to Ashley (please don't ask him to spell "saunter") and inquires if he's on "the chop block," which, presumably, is like the chopping block and not a place where they illegally dismantle cars. Ashley answers that "We can't talk about anything like that because we don't know." Usually this is something you say when you don't want to tell someone you are voting them out. Not this time. Ashley honestly has no clue, because Rob hasn't told her what to do yet. And make no mistake, Rob tells her exactly what to do. Heck, she'd probably even stop plucking her body hair if Rob told her to. But why would he do that? That's ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as forbidding starving people to eat freshly caught fish.

Ralph's response is then to tell Ashley, "Hey, if you're in the top 3, I'd definitely vote for you and not Boston Rob." This is just awful strategy. You want Ashley to think she can't beat Boston Rob in the finals and therefore needs to get rid of him, not that he is the perfect person to stick with because she can beat him with votes. Honestly, Ralph, this is even more infuriating than you telling the other tribe about your Hidden Immunity Idol. Natalie, who has been hypnotized by Rob to perhaps the greatest degree of anyone, then runs back to her master to tell him about what Ralph said and how Ashley didn't want him to know. According to Rob, this means Ashley no longer gets to go the final 3 with him because, "You have to tell me everything. It's my game. I'm in charge." And how.

NEXT: Tribal Council  — the first one

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