'Survivor' recap: Sweet Times

The competition in question was essentially a log roll. Bob made the unfortunate decision to inform everyone that he won a lumberjack log roll in college, setting himself up to look like a doofus when he lost to — gulp! — Sugar. (Shades of trained kayaker/river guide Kelly Wigglesworth losing a rowing competition to a guy who couldn't even swim.) Finally — cue the '70s porn music — it was time for a Survivorthreeway! That's right, people, just put on a little Barry White, grab a bottle of Courvoisier, relax, and enjoy as Sugar, Ace, and Marcus get up close and personal with a very phallic-looking log. I'm referring, of course, to the immunity finals, where the last person upright won. Ace really got screwed on this one — no pun intended — by having to stand in the middle. That means he couldn't look back at Marcus to see what the doctor was doing. In essence, he was playing blind. Bummer for him that he didn't get to win that immunity. And us. Instead Marcus took it and assigned the other ugly-ass necklace to Sugar (wisely ignoring Crystal's pleas for charity).

So then Ken lied through his teeth to Sugar, causing her to flip on her little snuggle bunny. Before she helped vote Ace out, however, we were treated to much fantastic eye rolling as Crystal one again started yelling at everyone for not yelling at her about the rice. Over at Kota, Corinne announced she wanted to — and it sounds like I'm making this up but I swear I'm not — stab Susie in the face. (Hey, at least she's not cursing. Right, parents?!?) That was because Susie decided it would be a good idea to tell Corinne that she had planned to vote against her. Much like in the same way, during our interview before the game, Susie decided it would be a good idea to tell me about how she likes to wax her mustache and have sex with her husband on the beach (not necessarily together, I assume). The target then shifted back and forth between Dan (who other Kota members feared may have the hidden immunity idol) and Susie, so the tribe decided — what the hell, let's vote for both of them! It was a smart move, actually — designed to either flush out Dan's idol or send him home. It ended up being the latter. Dan is a super-sweet, sensitive person. Which is exactly why he was so lost in this game. Every time I looked at him, he resembled a lost puppy. Good guy. Poor player.

Okay, folks, we're close to wrapping this up because I am nursing a serious cold. Plus, I have to get ready for Halloween and go work on my Ace accent. But before you post, might I direct your attention to a few goodies. Jeff Probst is dropping a most intriguing-sounding tease about next week's episode in his weekly EW.com blog. Go read it and take your guess as to what he might be referring to. (My uneducated guess: Another fake merge, à la Thailand.) And check out the exclusive Survivor deleted scene below to find out why Sugar is feeling so good about herself. Okay, done both those things? Swear? You better not be lying, because that bastard Probst will know if you're lying. He always knows! He's like the freakin' Mentalist...only without the vest.

It's your game now. Did you like the double elimination? Did Sugar make the right move? Will you miss Ace? And, most importantly, what are you going to be for Halloween? Post away!

[Sorry, video not available]

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