''I just look over and there's, like, a couple pair of boobs and Ozzy's head, smack-dab in the middle.'' — Cirie
As if Ozzy weren't the ultimate Survivor pimp already — winning challenges, catching fish, ordering teammates to Exile Island — now he's showering with a half-naked Amanda and Ami. The saddest part of all of this (yes, even sadder than Ozzy's '80s-new-wave-band haircut) is that the dude probably didn't even appreciate it. This is old hat for Ozzy! The guy already had sex with two women on a Playboy Channel show called Foursome, so he was probably all, like, whatever, when his two well-endowed tribemates decided to drop the tops.
But it is Ozzy's position as the Pimp of Malakal that almost got him into some hot water, and not of the showering variety. Cirie (upset about their little fishing expedition) started working on Amanda about Ozzy's ego, leading the topless wonder to call her island boyfriend ''kinda arrogant.'' Whether she believes that or not is debatable, but it opened up some strategic possibilities, one of which would have been positively delicious. Sensing that Ozzy was getting too close to his infatuated Padawan learner Erik, Cirie, Amanda, and Ami discussed voting Erik out instead of Tracy, to put theSurvivor Jedi Master in his place. But then Ami came up with another plan. Her idea was to let Ozzy vote for Tracy, let Cirie and Amanda vote for Erik, and then for her, Tracy and Erik to all vote Ozzy off the island. It was a great plan that would have thrown everything and everyone for a loop and appeared to have a good shot of coming together. Until, of course, we saw Tracy wink as Ami went up to cast her vote at tribal council, a wink producers never would have shown had the plan truly been set in motion. (Some misdirections are so blatantly obvious, they end up directing you to exactly what is about to take place.)
It's too bad it didn't pan out. Not that I don't like Ozzy. I do. The guy was born to do Survivor, almost as born as he was to do porn. But I like good strategic game play even more. Plus, from what I saw, Tracy — like Penner — was a total gamer. Her swaying of Joel was masterful, and she fought, kicked, and clawed until the very last second. Never in a classless, disrespectful way, mind you. She just examined what tools she had at her disposal and used them. I'll miss her in this game. A lot more than I'll miss Kathy.
Okay, let me state this as clearly as possible: Kathy is a loon. I don't mean that as a dis, and I actually don't think she would take it as one. She's just loony, that's all. She's hyperactive, scattered, and highly emotional. Her breakdown on the island does not surprise me one bit. She practically had the word IMPLOSION tattooed on her face, which, all things considered, would be no more ridiculous than having a giant ticket stub permanently etched on your back. The woman was all over the map in my interview with her. The closest comparison I could make would be to Wanda, the singing castaway from Palau. Just...well, loony.
When you're as emotionally volatile as Kathy is, you're bound to blow after sleeping in the rain with no food for a few weeks. We've seen this time and time again on Survivor: people's emotions getting amplified out of control. If you can't keep them in check, then your body checks out, and that's what happened to Kathy. All of a sudden, she's talking about being attacked by ''skeeters,'' complaining about eating raw clams, begging James for hugs (although what woman wouldn't, I suppose), trying to make like the genie in Aladdin and wishing herself home, and then, finally, calling it quits. Well, score one for Probst, who told me before the game that he didn't think she should be there to begin with. Probst is looking pretty good right about now. He didn't want Fairplay, who quit after three days, and he thought Kathy was a bad casting choice as well, and she couldn't take it either. Hmmm, maybe this host guy knows something after all?
We've now had three people (Fairplay, Chet, and Kathy) quit on us. This has become a serious problem for the show. Obviously, there is only so much the producers can do to guard against it, but honestly, they (and CBS, which has a heavy hand in casting) should have seen this coming from Kathy. After all, it's tattooed right on her face!
NEXT: A puzzling development