'Survivor' recap: Who's Laughing Now?

The other thing I'd like to do before moving on is give serious props to Parvati. She's taken some good-natured flak in this column, and even more from you posters, but I have to say, I tried holding my arm up and didn't even last 60 seconds, much less 6 hours. Granted, I am a pathetic weakling, but still, it's pretty damn impressive. And then once everyone got back to camp, Parvati had a choice to make: Stick with her kissy-kissy alliance, or flip by joining Cirie and the fans in voting off Ozzy. She had all the power.

The Tribal Council was a feast of drama, comedy, and long, drawn-out doughnut analogies. ''I thought Iwas the dumbest Survivor ever,'' said James as he cast his vote for Jason. (Don't give up that title so easily, my friend!) And then came the big question: Would Ozzy use the hidden immunity idol? He had to, right? After all, he knew what happened to James last season when he didn't use his two idols! Or did he? That episode where James was blindsided by Amanda actually didn't air until this season began filming, so Ozzy had not, in fact, seen it. Still, I have a hard time believing that James or Amanda didn't clue him in as to what went down in China. Ozzy didn't use it, proving all this talk of his finally becoming a strategic player (after showing no strategy whatsoever in the Cook Islands) was pure nonsense.

All that was left to find out was which way the votes played out. The producers did an excellent job of revealing them, faking the contestants out with a 4-1 lead for Ozzy that gradually disappeared. At 4-3, Eliza, sitting on the jury, opened her mouth so wide you could have stuffed 10 pounds of betel nut in there. At 4-4, Eliza had a heart attack. And finally, when the decisive vote was read, Ozzy looked like he'd seen a ghost. Whether it was the Ghost of Idiots Past, Present, or Future remains unclear. Perhaps all three, for this truly historic occasion of idiocy. He finally stood, had his torch snuffed, and turned to give his tribe a staredown of Big Tom proportions. He then used his final words to eloquently share his state of mind. ''I'm an idiot,'' said the former favorite (yeah, we kinda figured that out). ''I should have seen it coming, but I got too comfortable.... Whoever it was in my alliance that voted the other way, I pretty much hate you. So screw you, basically.''

Seeing as how he's talking about Parvati, I could make a crack about him not being the first one to do that (oh, snap!), but I'll refrain. Instead, I will finally stop writing and go watch this entire episode again, because it was simply that good.

Who gets your vote for stupidest Survivor: Jason or Ozzy? Post your thoughts, and be sure to check back on Monday for our exclusive Survivor Talk video interview with Ozzy. Should be a doozy, and I don't use the word doozy lightly.

[Sorry, video not available]

PREVIOUS Page 1 2