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HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE...and everywhere else, for that matter
There is another person who absolutely loves the deal Penner made — only he’s on the other tribe. “I applaud Penner,” says Artis, who is pissed about the trade. “I would have done the same thing. That was a brilliant move by Penner.” Pete and Abi pile on Skupin as well, with Abi saying it might go down as one of the dumbest moves in Survivor. (Abi has clearly not seen a lot of Survivor if she thinks that is the dumbest move ever. Abi, meet James. And Erik. And Tyson. And JT. And Brandon. And the entire Manono tribe from One World.) This leads Skupin and RC to talk about how horrible Abi is, a conversation that is no doubt simultaneously taking place in living rooms across the country. (Other living room conversations include: Will it ever stop raining on those poor schmoes? Will Denise ever win a challenge? And why hasn’t Dalton mentioned Milwaukee’s Best in the past month?)
Back at Kalabaw, now it is Jonathan Penner’s time to shine! He’s gonna show the newbies how a real player goes out there and gets fish! Rice? They don’t need no stinkin’ rice! Rice is for suckers! Check out this haul that Penner is bringing back to shore right now! Why, it’s…it’s…what is that? A goldfish? A krill perhaps? A dwarf pygmy goby? Whatever it is, it sure as hell is not going to be enough to feed Carter, whose energy level has been seriously depleted — no doubt from all the talking he is suddenly doing. Pace yourself, man! You haven’t spoken in 13 days. You can’t just start jibber-jabbering suddenly about every little thing. You got to ease your way into it.
Let’s see if that lack of energy will impact Carter in the immunity challenge. (Spoiler alert! It will.) The contest involves one member for each tribe launching a ball that three other members from each tribe then attempt to catch for a point. First team to five points wins. After losing a rock, paper, scissors battle with Malcolm, Skupin agrees to sit out along with Abi, who takes some more ribbing from Probst for still having competed in only two challenges. (Not her fault. You want her to compete more? Then change the rules about being able to sit out back-to-back challenges when not in the same episode cycle. To quote the host himself — “totally legal.”)
And while we could focus on Carter’s obvious struggles, Jeff Kent’s early dominance, or Malcolm’s epic run of catches to bring home a Tandang win, I’d rather concentrate on the latest in a long line of hilarious sexually-explicit-when-taken-completely-out-of-context challenge play-by-play comments from Probst. I don’t know if it was as good as when he waxed poetic about Tarzan’s balls, but Probst shouting out the order of “Katie, hand on the pole!” was still pretty good. (Yes, I realize I have the maturity of a 12-year-old.) Of course, Katie is on the receiving end of more Probst smack talk about her performance (“Katie, completely ineffective in this challenge”), but this time she is not the only one: “Malcolm is on a tear, yells Probst at one point. “He is eating Carter’s lunch!” That’s actually accurate from a literal standpoint as well seeing as how Malcolm chowed down on Carter’s rice before the challenge.
NEXT: Why Kalabaw voted out the right person