Survivor recap: Pop Goes the Final Four

Skupin goes on a soda binge as we move one step closer to the finale. Plus: Where does this season rank when compared to all the others?
Ep. 13 | Aired Dec 12, 2012

A HAIRY SITUATION Skupin and Lisa had a big decision in terms of whom to vote out.

Image Credit: CBS

Back at camp, Abi gets to work on Skupin about how the best thing for Lisa and him to do is get rid of Denise and bring her to the final three instead. Skupin brings the proposal to Lisa. “This is actually fabulous,” replies Lisa, “because if you and I go to the end with Abi, she might get Pete and Artis, but that’s it.” Of course, on the other hand, as she points out later, they may need Denise to help beat Malcolm at the final four, because they view him as an even greater threat to get votes from the jury. Decisions, decisions.

As for Team Matsing, since Malcolm now has an immunity necklace and an immunity idol, both of which are null and void after the next Trial Council, Denise asks Malcolm for his idol, to which he replies that he will only do so “if the situation called for it.” Amazingly, Denise doesn’t press him for it, reasoning that, “They wouldn’t keep Abi.” See, here’s the difference between Denise and me. I would not have asked Malcolm for the idol. I would have demanded it. We’ve been partners since day 1. We found the idol together. We have a pact until the end. It’s no good after tonight. SO GIVE ME THE DAMN IDOL OR I’LL SIC MY SEXY PASTY-FACED VAMPIRE POSSE ON YOU! AND IF YOU TRY TO PUT IT ON YOUR MOM’S SHELF I WILL DRAIN ALL THE BLOOD OUT OF YOUR STUPID MOTHER’S BODY AND SPIT IT BACK INTO YOUR STUPID FACE! AND THEN I WILL PULL YOUR HAIR BECAUSE THAT'S HOW WE DO IT VAMPIRE SEX THERAPIST STYLE!

But maybe that’s just me.

I suppose the highlight of Tribal Council would be this little chestnut from the lips of Jeff Probst to Abi: “With respect, which probably means without any, you’ve been detested, laughed at, and then be told you’re not likable, not a good person. It has nothing to do with your culture, you’re just not nice. No one here wants you around.” To this, RC nods in the affirmative vigorously.

Then a very interesting sequence takes place. After Probst notes over the negative head-nodding objections of Jonathan Penner that “You could make an argument that Abi has outwitted, outplayed and outlasted 13 people in this game,” Denise counters that Abi was lucky because Tandang never went to Tribal Council so there were less opportunities for her to be voted out. And then Lisa does something very, very smart. She says that no, that was not luck at all. Rather, the members of Tandang deserve credit for putting themselves in a position to not have to go to Tribal Council. For one thing, she’s right. For another, she’s brilliant, because what she is doing here is appealing to Tandang pride on the jury. If I’m Artis or Pete or (soon to be jury member) Abi, I’m thinking, damn straight! You are always playing current and future jury members when you are at Tribal Council, and Lisa does that brilliantly here. Mrs. Garrett done taught her good. (P.S. Mrs. Garrett was never a stickler for grammar.)

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Abi, who resorts to cutting off Skupin every time he tries to talk with calls of “You’re an idiot,” and “You’re a moron.” Well, make up your mind, woman! Which one is it? Is he an idiot or a moron? Abi continues her scorched earth campaign by informing Denise while voting that “You’re just not a good person.” (Pot. Kettle. Black.) In the end, it’s even too much for Jonathan Penner to bear as he gives Abi the finger from his perch on the jury. Either that or he’s telling her she’s #1, but I’m pretty sure it is the former as opposed to the latter.

NEXT: The updated Survivor season rankings begin!

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