One thing Abi is physically able to do is lie really badly about her imaginary hidden immunity idol, announcing for all to hear that she is going off into the woods by herself. See, if this was a horror movie, a young woman announcing she was going off alone into the woods would mean she was approximately three minutes away from having a cleaver plunged into her neck from some of deranged serial killer. Here, however, it merely makes her the victim of a snarky comment from Malcolm that they all know she’s lying. (However, I suppose she will be dead in the game soon enough.)
But what is Abi really doing in the woods while pretending to hide her non-existent idol? I have a few theories. 1) Making a RC voodoo doll. 2) Summoning a vampire to go bite Denise’s neck in the middle of the night. 3) Practicing her Tribal Council put-downs of Mike Skupin. 4) Tearing up her RC voodoo doll because she cannot bear to look at her face. When Abi does finally emerge from the thicket, she begins to work on Lisa to vote out Denise, telling her, “In this alliance of four, you are totally on the bottom.” Allow me to point out that in between this and all the references to her “Brazilian ass” this lady talks a lot of bottom!
As if that is not reward enough, let’s head to the Reward Challenge. The object is to race up and over a slide and then retrieve two bundles of rings and toss the rings onto pegs. First one to get all five rings on wins. But should you even want to win? That’s because the victor will choose two people to join him/her on a helicopter ride to a boat feast complete with pizza and sodas while chillin’ with some whale sharks. But if you are selecting two people to join you, that means you are also selecting two people — and potential jury votes —to be pissed at you. I’ve gone back and forth on this. Is it better to try to win, thereby controlling who goes where so you can shore up alliances? Or is it better to throw the challenge so you don’t upset anyone, knowing you still have a 50% chance of going on the reward anyway? A tough call. Lots of possible positives and negatives on each side.
After watching Lisa wipe out multiple times off the slide (thanks to the wonders of the DVR rewind button) I sit back and enjoy a Malcolm vs. Skupin duel with Skupes pulling out the win. “Remember my last chopper ride?” he asks Probst, referencing his Australian Outback evacuation. But now comes the hard part, as Michael must decide which players to exclude from their big getaway. And those players would be Abi (shocker) and Denise, although he does promise to give Denise all of his food (but not the pop!).
Predictably, Abi is not happy. “I guess my vote doesn’t mean anything,” she says while also threatening to kill the boat-goers with a machete. For her part, Denise is more bummed about having to spend the day with Abi than anything else: “It’s like a first date with the kid who pulled your hair all the time in kindergarten or spit in your lunch, and suddenly you’re on a date.” My questions is, why would you go on a date with that person at all? That’s just poor dating management skills right there. What kind of sex therapist are you anyway, Denise? Apparently, the kind that recommends hair pulling and spitting during sex. Let’s hear it for sadomasochism!
NEXT: Taking a bite out of the competition