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TERRIBLE TWOSOME Alicia and Kat are an inspiration to women everywhere
The women return to camp from their brutal Tribal Council to find Mike, who says he took care of their fire for them while they were gone. This annoys Kat for reasons I still don’t completely understand, but her annoyance with Mike is soon overshadowed by her annoyance with a bug that interrupts her interview session. If only she could find a way to fart on it.
Upset by her confrontation at Tribal, Christina tries to act like an adult and clear the air with Alicia. Alicia, in a bold attempt to usurp NaOnka’s title of World’s Most Horrifying Teacher, listens to Christina’s reconciliation attempt and tells us that “Please. If I saw her swimming in the ocean and she was drowning I’d probably look the other way.” (Hear that, kids? She said “please”! There’s your manners lesson of the day.) Sabrina — a teacher on Survivor that doesn’t actually make me fear for the lives of children everywhere — realizes her team is fractured and calls a meeting. Chelsea says they need a tribe leader and nominates Sabrina. After agreeing, Sabrina begins her reign of sanity by dividing up the chores — giving Alicia and Kat the duty of searching for food, while also surveying the land. And how does Kat respond to her newly elected leader tasked with eliminating the infighting that has plagued the women since day one? “I don’t want to observe the land,” she whines. “I want to go get stuff.” And by “getting stuff” she actually means wading in the water with Alicia while other people do their work.
Oooooh, it’s time for another twist — the old Do It Yourself Challenge. Inspired by a similar stunt in Survivor: Samoa, the tribes receive several large crates with the makings for a challenge to take place right there on their beach. Unfortunately, one of the crates does not contain host Jeff Probst, so instead of “Come on in, guys!” we are treated to stand-up comedian Bill Posely reading instructions in a British accent for reasons that remain somewhat unclear. (Personally, I was hoping he would break out one of the characters from his YouTube comedy reel — Drill Sgt. Bottomless or Broey Broinstien, perhaps.)
If any of you ever questioned the value of Probst to this program, you will question it no more after watching a challenge without his play by play. First off, this challenge of having to untie knots on a rope to release a ring was a poor one to run without a host, because there was simply no way to tell who was even in the lead until the entire thing was over. They just sort of sat there grabbing knots until finally one team was done and the other wasn’t. There was nobody there to walk the viewer through who was in front, who was behind, who was starring for each team, and who was holding the tribe back. As a result, this proves to be a pretty drama-free affair. Can’t say I was a fan of this experiment. Anyway, the men win a tarp.
After the Probstless challenge, the men get to work at their camp. Well, most of them at least. Colton just sort of walks around by himself while the rest of the men discuss him. Mike reveals to us that he knows about Colton having the idol, while Jonas somehow has got it in his head that Colton is some sort of mastermind. “He’s making Russell look like a little schoolgirl!” Jonas claims, searing into my brain an image that is both very disturbing and impossible to shed.
NEXT: Kat makes like a Van Halen song and jumps — twice!