It’s a windy overcast day on the Samoan island of Upolu, and Survivor: One World’s Jay Byars has just woken up on day 23 of his adventure from an awful dream. “I dreamed I got shot,” he says to the group of women surrounding him. “And I was about to get capped again and I woke up.” That sounds positively horrible, but there is one thing that Jay does not realize: He hasn’t woken up at all! This is a dream within a dream and he actually is about to get capped again — Inception style, baby! That’s right, the women of Survivor are about to get all Leonardo DiCaprio on his ass. What’s the password to the safe? How many levels deep can we go? And what’s with all the Edith Piaf music? Jay’s dream within a dream has turned into a full-on nightmare, with duplicitous Kim doing her best Marion Cotillard impression. No, Mal! No!
But it’s not like the women are to blame for Jay’s state of slumber and subsequent elimination. My first inclination is to blame the mere thought of a Do It Yourself challenge for putting him into such a deep sleep (because Lord knows I almost fell asleep watching it). But no, Jay himself is responsible for sleepwalking through this game. He did it all to himself — suggesting they vote off Jonas, going along with the highly suspect plan to get rid of Mike, and then giving up a possible shot at immunity for some freakin’ chicken wings. Three strikes and you are OUT, my friend.
And we are officially into our episode 9 recap of Survivor: One World, so let’s get to it. Tarzan starts things off by informing Troyzan that they are going to lose and that the girls are going to knock the guys out one by one. That does seem likely, especially considering Tarzan keeps helping them vote off men! But ever so slowly, Troyzan is starting to realize he has been played. “Part of me is, like, jeez, are they telling the truth?” he wonders. Too bad a bigger part of him didn’t ask that before he voted off Mike. And now Troyzan will pay for that shortsightedness — and he will pay by being forced to partake in the most boring challenge in Survivor history! Hey, I give John Kirhoffer and his challenge department their due credit when they come up with a killer contest — like last week’s awesome slide from hell. But this one is just from hell. As in just plain bad.
For one thing, it is another dreaded Do It Yourself challenge. For anyone that ever doubted the value of Jeffrey Probst to this program, doubt no more after watching Troyzan lamely attempt to offer play-by-play commentary. Then again, it wasn’t entirely Troyzan’s fault, because I’m not sure if anyone could have made this dud even remotely exciting. Essentially, it’s just the contestants playing ladder golf — that game where you throw bolas onto a ladder for points. I’m already bored just describing it. Look, I have nothing against simplicity. The immunity challenge to follow is a perfect example of simple and dramatic. This, however, is not. And with Probst not there, Survivor has to even employ the tacky Big Brother tactic of contestants explaining in interviews later what is going on to help build up the alleged suspense (like Sabrina telling us she needs a 5 to tie the score 6-6, because heaven forbid viewers be able to handle the heavy duty addition of 5+1).
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