Survivor recap: To Quit or Not To Quit?

NaOnka and Purple Kelly decide they want to go home. But will Jeff Probst let them?
Ep. 12 | Aired Dec 1, 2010

STORMY WEATHER Purple Kelly and NaOnka struggled with the elements -- and whether or not they wanted to keep fighting them.

Monty Brinton/CBS

Fabio's advice to Silent Kelly is to find a "mental happy place." Of course, Fabio's mental happy place most likely involves a life-sized Tickle-Me Elmo piloting a flying submarine through a cloud of Three Musketeers nougat while the Meow Mix jingle plays on a continuous loop. Either that or something involving Willie Nelson and a big cloud of smoke.

NaOnka is then kind enough to inform us that her "ass hurts." Is it just me or is the woman completely booty-obsessed? We've seen her passing gas, hiding immunity idols back there, and, well, acting like an ass as well, when you get right down to it. The spitfire then claims that "My heart is not in the game like it should be," which is mildly frightening when you consider how she would have been acting had she actually wanted to beat people. In what has seemingly become a Nicaraguan tradition (Jill to Marty, Marty to Sash, etc…) NaOnka then goes and gives Chase her immunity idol. Why him and not Holly — whom she claimed as mother figure the day before — is beyond me, other than maybe she feels sorry for Chase for being ignored by Brenda for so long.

Hey, who likes Jack Black movies? Well, have we got a reward challenge for you! The reward, in this case, is the opportunity to appear in a covert advertisement for the new Jack Black–Jason Segel comedy Gulliver's Travels. To win, your team (who is all tethered together) has to carry an 8-foot stuffed dummy named — you guessed it! — Gulliver through a series of obstacles. Fabio, Sash, Jane, and Silent Kelly are on the Yellow team. Holly, NaOnka, Chase, and Benry are on the Blue team. And Dan is on the I-Am-Unable-to-Physically-Move-More-Than-18-Inches-And-If-You-Think-I-Can-Carry-That-Giant-Dummy-Around-Then-You-Are-Even-Dumber-Than-Fabio team. He gets to sit and watch and practice his gambling skills by picking a winner, and if he's right, he gets to join them at the Survivor cinema. The downside for Dan? He is forced to sit in an oversized chair that makes him look even more unimposing than he has appeared all season. (That was actually the funniest visual in the entire episode. My hat is off to the art department on that one.)

The challenge itself is an action-packed seasaw affair. In the end, the Blue team wins. But just as Probst is about to wax poetic about the comedic stylings of Jack Black, NaOnka has an announcement to make "This will be my last day."  And with that the angels can be heard singing throughout the land: Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelu-jah! Hallelu-jah! Hal-le-lu-jah! But in a truly bold move, Probst decides to double down: "So you're quitting. Anybody else here want to quit?"

And then Silent Kelly informs him that she too wants to bail. Well, now the producers have a serious problem. These two women quit right here and right now, and they don't have enough people to vote someone off every episode. Unless, of course, they do one of two things. 1) They convince both of them to hold out for a few hours more to do it all official and dramatic-like at Tribal Council. Or 2) They scrap the final three at the finale and go down to a final two. Lord knows, I've gone on record a million times already on how much I hate a final three, because an A vs. B head-to-head matchup is much more dramatic than a pick-one-of-the-above. The producers like a final three because they're petrified that a great competitor (like Ozzy in Cook Islands) would otherwise not even make it to the finals, but final threes are just inherently lame. Unfortunately, the powers that be go for option #1, with Probst going all stall tactic and announcing that "I'm going to give you guys the afternoon to think about it. And we're going to meet at Tribal Council tonight."

NEXT: Holly chooses a cup of boiled rice over unlimited candy.

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