Survivor season finale recap: A Finale You Can Sink Your Teeth Into

After a shocking Tribal Council request, the most deserving player emerges victorious
Ep. 14 | Aired May 12, 2013

'IT IS TIME TO VOTE' And the most important one went Cochran's way.

CBS

NOT ANOTHER ADVANTAGE IN THE FINAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!!! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! We all know I am against advantages in challenges because I want to see how people fare against each other when they battle head-to-head. But I am especially against advantages in the final challenge. This is it. This is the one. You win and you are guaranteed a spot in the finals! This is the challenge when we want to see everyone on a completely level playing field because it’s the most important one by far.

Yes, yes, I know, I could just look at it as a two-part challenge, with part 1 giving you a lead in part 2. Nobody was voted out in between so they could be seen as extensions of the same challenge. But they are not the same challenge. I didn’t like it when Malcolm got a do-over last season, and I did not like it when — Spoiler Alert! — Cochran got tons of extra time to do the puzzle in the immunity challenge here. (And it should be noted that I like both Malcolm and Cochran a lot as players. I just don’t want to see them win with advantages. I want to see them win straight-up.)

That’s the problem with advantages. They add a “Yeah, but…” Cochran and Probst keep boasting about how he won four individual challenges this season. However, he had advantages in two of them. That’s one hell of a big “Yeah, but…” So Survivor producers, I beg of you — if you’re going to keep having the advantage in challenges, AT LEAST KEEP THEM OUT OF THE FREAKIN’ FINAL CHALLENGE!! Okay, going back to my happy place now.

So like pretty much every house of cards challenge, we get to watch everyone get really close multiple times before their stacks completely crumble and they are forced to start over. Like many challenges, you can tell when someone is actually getting close to completing it by the musical cues. Once we get close to a crescendo, you know someone is about to finally finish. In this case it is Cochran. Good for him. Knowing what a hardcore fan he is and how this type of challenge always seems to pop up at some point, I have to assume he practiced quite a bit back at home with mom Arlene while Papa Cochran was acting all “Hollywood” outside by grilling meat with his sunglasses on. Well, it paid off.

Back at the beach, Sherri must be drinking from the same crazy cocktail as Eddie, because she also views Dawn as the biggest threat to win. She thinks the crying will play well with the jurors and she could not be more wrong about that if she tried. “I’m not sitting next to that," says Sherri. "She’s too powerful.” Powerful at what? Crying? Pissing off jury members? Pulling up knee socks? It’s been well established that I like Dawn — and she was my episode 1 pick to win it all — but it is clear as crystal by this point she has no shot at all of winning. Eddie’s dog could probably beat her.

NEXT: Try not to fall asleep during the Fallen Comrades

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