Survivor recap: Stop Talking to Dawn!

Another contestant makes the mistake of spilling the beans to Dawn, setting off a flurry of idol-related activity at Tribal Council
Ep. 09 | Aired Apr 10, 2013

MEEHAN IN THE MIDDLE Dawn was once again the object of a rebel alliance's desire

Monty Brinton/CBS

It’s day 23 and…HOLY SMOKES! THE ENTIRE ISLAND HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER BY MONKEYS!!! What the hell is going on? Monkeys here, monkeys there, monkeys freakin’ everywhere! How many monkeys are they going to show us before we get to the actual, you know, humans? I actually think the producers are on to something with this. I don’t know about you but I would totally watch a season of Survivor: Monkey Island. Unfortunately, the players eventually make their way to the screen, starting with Reynold, who tells Eddie, “Have you noticed, like, every girl that gets herself associated with us gets voted out?” Excellent! And female viewers hate you guys even more now! I honestly didn’t think that was possible.

Meanwhile, Phillip is busy sweet-talking new Stealth “R” Us alliance member Sherri, telling her, “I remember the first time I saw you on the beach, I said, ‘Damn, she’s hot!’” This was a really odd thing for me to hear because for some reason I always considered Philip to be a somewhat asexual creature. Maybe it’s just because I’m unclear what the cross between a gorilla and a lion (Gorillion) finds attractive. Is it attracted to other gorillas? Lions? Males? Females? The whole thing is mildly perplexing. All I know is that I did not like hearing this from Phillip one bit.

Continuing his efforts to make sure that Stealth “R” Us in the least stealthy alliance in the history of reality show alliances, Phillip then tells Sherri everyone’s secret code name while also bestowing on her the moniker of Tenacity, which makes Sherri sound vaguely like a Las Vegas stripper and/or member of the X-Men. (Also, why is Malcolm still “The Enforcer” if he was clearly outed last week being in an alliance with the fans and Corinne? I have so many questions about this damn alliance I didn’t even know where to begin.)

I also have a lot of questions about the reward challenge. A challenge that appears to have had a pretty big design flaw, as well as another flaw in terms of the scoring. The contest involves two teams of five, with one person on each team playing goalie and trying to block shots and stop the others from scoring via tossing balls into a net while jumping in the water. The sausage party of Erik, Reynold, Eddie, Cochran and Michael make up the purple team while Dawn, Phillip, Andrea, Brenda, and Malcolm make up the orange squad. Sherri is not chosen in the schoolyard pick ‘em and therefore has to sit out without a chance to go on reward. (Sometimes the odd person out is allowed to pick a team to root for, and if they win, he/she gets to go on reward with them. This is not one of those times.)

The aforementioned design flaw in the game is exposed on Brenda’s first throw as she lobs the shot over goalie Michael to score for team orange. This is the most Brenda has done all season to this point (although her true moment of glory will come later). After this toss, everyone follows suit with the lobs, and the defender basically becomes a moot point. The only way a team cannot score is if the shooter simply misses with their aim. Heck, even Cochran scores, and then celebrates by dry humping the ladder and awkwardly jumping and clapping his own hands before finishing with a flourish of even more awkward high fives.

NEXT: Was the orange team cheated out of a final throw?

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