It’s hugs all around as the Bikal tribe returns from voting off Vanilla Ice Cream at Tribal Council. Michael thanks the group while Corinne boasts to us about how “I made sure I got the gay.” I wonder if Corinne is horrified by the amount of times she keeps referring to her favorite person in the entire world as “the gay.” I mean, he does have a name. (Michael, I think?) Corinne then inadvertently describes all heterosexuals as raging morons by saying that Michael is the only Fan with a brain out there. To that I’m sure Sherri would say “Hey, I was masterminding our tribe until the reshuffle,” Reynold would say “Hey, I found two hidden immunity idols,” and Eddie would say “Hey…can I have your phone number? Cause you’re pretty hot. And I’m pretty hot. And we’d be pretty hot together. Hot people are the best.”
Dawn senses it’s almost merge time, and merge time — not unlike wake up in the morning time, cook some rice time, and go sit in the shelter time — means it’s time to start crying. (My friend Janae still can’t forgive Dawn for reneging on her “tear free season” promise to me this time out, and for that I give Janae permission have someone whack Dawn over the head with an issue of Entertainment Weekly should they ever meet up. Entertainment Weekly — it’s not just for bathrooms anymore!)
So yeah, Dawn goes and does her best Lisa Whelchel impersonation by sobbing at the water well. The only thing missing is the humiliating #SURVIVORBREAKDOWN hashtag. “I want to make sure I don’t sit back,” she says in between tears. “Last time I let my game go to heck. I let Cochran flip. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t change the outcome.” She promises to play differently this time around. “You have to be the person that makes decisions. Those are the people that win.” Unless, of course, your name is Amber. Or Natalie. Or Fabio. But I digress.
Over on Gota, a boat is approaching. Could it be Tata the bushman hoping for some more island lovin’? “I don’t know what is happening, but something awesome is about to happen,” says Erik in the most Erik quote of all-time. A note tells the tribe about a “new home” and they know it’s merge time. Soon enough, they are over at the Bikal beach meeting the new members of the newly merged tribe and digging into a trunk filled with green buffs, food, and booze. Within a matter of minutes Michael accuses Dawn of “literally cutting the cheese.” Well, congratulations, Michael. You just made Dawn cry again. I hope you’re happy with yourself.
Now comes the point in the season where someone always makes up a word for the new tribe name that they claim to be from the native language but is, in actuality, some tribute to a relative or favorite stuffed animal. And Malcolm is this season’s someone, convincing the tribe to go with Enil Edam for the name, which Andrea mistakenly believes stands for “a new beginning” but is actually Malcolm’s mom’s name (Madeline) spelled backwards. (Hold on, did Malcolm just steal one of Phillip’s B.R. Rules?)
Speaking of the B.R. rules, Phillip talks with Andrea about a foursome alliance of them two, Cochran, and Dawn, finishing with this gem: “When you lie in bed tonight, pretend you’re Boston Rob, because that’s what I do.” Apparently Rule #47 of The Boston Rob Rules is “Act as creepy as possible when discussing Boston Rob.”
NEXT: Eddie would rather not order off of this menu