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A SMASHING LACK OF SUCCESS Matt smashed his immunity challenge tile, yet the Fans lost once again
Did someone say reward? No? Too bad because it’s time for the reward challenge and no, that is not a misprint. The reward challenge is back, and it is a classic contest, an adaptation of one first seen back in the Cook Islands: two tribemates must stand on platforms out in the water and then be transported via planks to a third platform. Then the whole tribe must swim to a fourth, smaller platform and attempt to all fit on it without falling over. The victors win the services of a local bushman, which sounds a lot seedier than it actually is.
Adding to his humiliation of being told to take on a woman instead of a man in the first water wresting challenge, Cochran is selected by the tribe to sit out this affair. Having Cochran go all Abi-Maria Gomes and sit out any challenge is doing a huge disservice to the viewing public who is thereby robbed of potential hilarity at every turn. (At least Arlene Cochran can breath a huge sigh of relief.)
You guys know I’m a fan of any challenge that takes place out in the water, and while this one is not as close and as tense as the Cook Islands affair (which featured several classic out-of-context Probstisms such as “Parvati now on her second pole!”), it’s still pretty tight. And the winners are…the Fans! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!! Yeah, Fans! Way to get back into the game. I wasn’t sure that strategy of having Shamar bending down (and taking up more space) instead of standing straight up was going to work out, but I guess it did because you guys totally won! This could be just the catalyst you all need to take this game by storm.
It’s like when Dewey defeated Truman back in 1948. Nobody thought he could do it, and we all know what an awesome president he turned out to be. Watch out, Favorites — these Fans aren’t the pushovers you thought they were and now that they’re on a roll there’s no stopping… What’s that? The Favorites actually won, you say? Oh, well…okay. My bad. I was just going by what my man Shamar told me. I mean, seeing as how the Faves finished first. I guess that makes sense. Dammit! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted Shamar, who is now being informed by The Specialist of the actual outcome of the competition. And I have to say, when it comes to Shamar, it’s bad news when the person serving you a reality check is Phillip Sheppard.
So it is the Favorites who are on the receiving end of a visit from Tata, who is either a wise village elder or some homeless dude production found passed out in their trash. Honestly, it could go either way with this guy. “He’s like a Filipino Gollum,” says Malcolm. But Tata knows all! He knows how to…um, row in a boat! And he can…er, cook rice! And don’t forget the way he went and…uh, tied bamboo together! What a local magician! Is there anything Tata can’t do?
Shamar looks like he could use some Tata. That way he would have someone to serve him breakfast in bed — a bed he does not plan on vacating for the next 19 hours. But since Tata is busy smooching with Bikal babes, Shamar must make his tribemates cater to his every whim. “I’m not leaving, but y’all gonna bring me rice once a day,” he orders. Sherri can’t believe it: “I would never do this in my real life. I don’t even wait on my husband.” But then she goes and does it for Shamar anyway. Suck it, Sherri’s husband!
NEXT: Shamar dies! I mean…dyes his eye