'Survivor' recap: Lazy or Crazy?

Thankfully, Brandon has calmed down by the next day. At least until Phillip goes and refers to him as “middle-management” to his face. (He also refers to him as "narcisstic" behind his back, and no, that is not a typo. More dry mouth perhaps?) I’d have to go back and reread The B.R. Rules, but I don’t remember one of them being “Make sure to tell people on your tribe how insignificant and unimportant they are.” Forget for a second that Brandon being a manager of any sort — middle, lower, or upper — is mildly frightening. You don’t tell the dude that. Needless to say, Lil’ Hantz is a lil’ pissed. “You don’t want to fight with me, Special Agent Pink Panther! Inspector Gadget thought he could pull out his special tricks!” Now, hold on a second, Brandon. Honestly, your odds in a fight against either the Pink Panther or Inspector Gadget are most likely slim-to-none. Their track records speak for themselves. But now you want to take on both of them at once? That’s pure tomfoolery. You don’t have a chance. Choose your battles, man. And stop picking on cartoon characters!

Meanwhile, over on the Fans tribe, Shamar is busy bragging about how little he is doing. Interesting strategy! Although might it work getting him further in the game, even as others complain about him? “I want Shamar to keep annoying people because Shamar is my Phillip,” says Sherri. Tricky strategy, even if it worked for Boston Rob. Obviously, if you can carry that person to the end, the votes will come easy. But if that person helps tear your tribe apart in the process and you therefore go into the merge down in numbers, then you may not have a chance to make it to the end anyway. But there’s no doubt that Shamar is a key piece to the puzzle in getting rid of the Flirty Foursome now, so protect him Sherri must.

Challenge time! This week’s challenge is a reward/immunity combo, and the rules are simple: Do your best to avoid being hit by Phillip’s falling tribe flag. (Sorry, Corinne! You’re out!) Actually, it’s even better than that because we are heading back into — and under — water. Three people on each tribe will race to a raft, which three other people will then pull via rope out to a platform. The three raft folk then must dive underwater and pull out bamboo sticks which will release 9 rings that must be collected and brought back to shore. Finally, the three remaining members of each tribe will attempt to toss those rings onto posts. First team to get 3 rings on posts wins immunity and fishing gear.

And the Favorites win! Wait, they haven’t even started the challenge yet. How do I know they win, then? Because they are showing Shamar before the challenge arguing with the his tribe about his role and the fact nobody is listening to him. If the Fans were to win, this would not be an issue and therefore would not be shown. The fact they are showing it means one thing: they are about to lose. And lose they do. They are even unable to overcome several hilarious shots of Cochran pulling rope about as unathletically as one can look pulling rope. The big problem occurs when Sherri does not switch out in the diving portion, while the Faves of Erik, Brenda, and Andrea switch early and often. Not even Reynold’s Jordanesque tossing ability can stop the Faves from celebrating and yelling “The Specialist!” as Phillip scores the final point. (Speaking of which: curious that Malcolm was once again on throwing duty even after his failure in the last challenge. Is this guy ever going to get a chance to use his strength?)

NEXT: Hey, let’s all stare at Reynold’s crotch!