Survivor recap: Agony of Da Feet

The contestants must balance the pain of balancing on their feet with their desire for immunity as two players are sent out of the game
Ep. 12 | Aired May 1, 2013

TRIANGLE OF DOOM Reynold's last hope rested atop some weird birdhouse-looking structure

Greg Gayne/CBS

I take it all back. That time where I took Reynold to task for him saying Allie was the perfect person to be in an alliance with because she was not the best looking one out there? REDACTED! That dis where I mocked Reynold for acting like a preppy '80s movie villain because he described his less attractive and less athletic opponents as “Revenge of The Nerds”? RESCINDED! And that point a few paragraphs down in this column where I will go on to question Reynold’s judgment for boasting to the rest of his tribe that, “Truthfully, in my mind, I think I’m capable of winning five immunity challenges in a row”? UNQUESTIONED!

Why the sudden love for the modesty-free frat boy? Because anyone that busts out a mustache at Tribal Council gets an automatic free pass! Hell, he could walk over and take a dump in the voting urn for all I care and I still can’t hate on my boy after he decided to transform his entire look into that of Snidely Whiplash or your basic run-of-the-mill telenovela villain. The 'stache was positively hypnotizing. I almost missed Andrea getting blindsided because I was lost in a sea of whiskers. The decision to not shave off all his facial hair and instead leave the patch between his lips and his nose may actually qualify as the best move Reynold made all game. And the only thing that would have made it even better would have been had he started twirling it while muttering evil genius laughter under his breath.

So, to Reynold (or Rollie Fingers, or whatever your name is), I say — all is forgiven. Unless you shave the 'stache by the next Tribal Council, in which case, watch out! And you better watch out because it’s time to recap this week’s special double elimination episode of Survivor: Caramoan! Twice the immunity challenges! Twice the Tribal Councils! Twice the fun!

The episode begins after Malcolm has been voted out at Tribal Council — stop crying, ladies — yet instead of trying to blend into the background and hoping others forget about him, Reynold decides it would be a great idea to remind everyone what a threat he is and exactly why he needs to be voted out immediately. “Truthfully, in my mind, I think I’m capable of winning five immunity challenges in a row.” (I told you I would be questioning this.)

But the Favorites are already looking ahead to when the alliance will need to turn on each other. Cochran seems to relish the opportunity. “The power rests with the Favorites right now and I want to take away as much power and suck it up for myself as possible,” he says. “I want to take control of the game. And I’ll do it without remorse. I’ll do it without any reservation. And it’s scary that I’m saying that. I feel like I’ve turned into something that would scare my mother if she saw me. But I’m not the little Harvard nerd that was trembling in the bushes last time.”

That he is not. The man has tossed off his shirt as well as the insecurities that plagued him last time on the island. I was at the first Tribal Council for South Pacific and have to say that John Cochran gave one of the worst Tribal Council performances I have ever seen. He was not the target. Semhar was. But his neurotic rambling went on for sooooo long (most of which never made it on to air) that I seriously wondered if the tribe members would change their mind and vote him out on the spot because he kept digging his own grave with his words. It’s amazing to see how far he has come.

NEXT: Shirt? Cochran don’t need no stinkin’ shirt!

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