Image credit: Greg Gayne/CBS
COCHRAN SANDWICH Thank God this wasn't part of the food-eating challenge.
The auction wraps up with Brenda buying a pig’s brain for $300, which leads to this semi-brilliant exchange between her and auctioneer Jeff Probst:
BRENDA: “I just remembered that I don’t eat pork.”
PROBST: “You’re eating the brain of a pig.”
BRENDA: “It’s good for you, right?”
PROBST: “I have no idea.”
I love that last answer from Probst. So often he is the man with all the answers so you just kind of expect him to know everything. Instead, “I have no idea.” Rough translation: “You’re on your own, sister.” Well, at least we got through the auction without Dawn bursting into tears, so I suppose you could say…wait a minute. What is that? Uh-oh. Jeff Probst is talking something out. Oh no, they are letters from loved ones back home. CODE RED! WE HAVE A CODE RED! OPERATION WATERWORKS HAS BEEN INITIATED! REPEAT: OPERATION WATERWORKS HAS BEEN INITIATED!
Sure enough, Dawn starts to tear up because she spent all of her money on chicken and can’t fork over the $20 for her letters. Then Sherri follows suit because she spent all of her money on pizza. Why, even Malcolm is feeling down in the dumps, no doubt because there is no more beer on the island. “I’m not crying, but I feel the way they feel right now,” says the barkeep. And then the crying spreads like peanut butter on Andrea Boehlke’s face as the always clinical Cochran starts choking up back at camp, although it is unclear if he is sniffling over his letters or the fact that Sherri is no longer allowing him to lick her fingers.
Meanwhile, Reynold and Malcolm try their best to get Sherri to flip to their side, promising her “worst place, fifth,” which is perhaps the worst sales pitch in Survivor history. I mean, can you think of a less enticing offer that that? Hell, why not promise to lock her in a room with Shamar, Brandon, and Phillip while you’re at it? The Amigos want Cochran out because he’s the most strategic player, which is probably true, but also probably not that high of an achievement. Jason Siska’s “f---ing stick” would probably be the best strategist among this bunch.
Of course, Malcolm still needs to find that idol. Considering he already found two without a clue, that shouldn’t be too difficult. The only difference is that now he has Andrea stuck to him “like a little sister I can’t get rid of.” She wisely camps out at the water well to prevent Malcolm from searching. (Of course, had she just spent her $500 on the clue she wouldn’t have had to bother, but I digress.)
Speaking of things that people should have spent $500 on, it’s time for the immunity challenge. The contest forces the players to hold on to a rope connected to a very heavy log. At five minute intervals they will have to move their hand one notch lower on the rope, making it heavier. Last one to hold on wins. But since Cochran purchased the immunity advantage (FOR A MEASLY $340!), at any point in the contest he can move his hand back up two slots for less weight.
But before things can commence we are treated to this truly unfortunate quote by Eddie: “Cochran is by no means any type of physical threat whatsoever, so I feel very optimistic.” This is unfortunate for two reasons. 1) Having contestants go back in time to do commentary on challenges that have already occurred but acting like it hasn’t happened yet is very Big Brother. And 2) Eddie’s comment is a clear tip-off that Cochran will win or they wouldn’t have bothered to show it. Sometimes producers think they are creating more drama by adding stuff like that in, when, in fact, it does the opposite by clearly tipping their hand.
NEXT: Cochran gets cocky