Survivor recap: Tears, Beers, and Fears

There’s lots of crying, and drinking, and people worried about what their next move should be
Ep. 11 | Aired Apr 24, 2013

COCHRAN SANDWICH Thank God this wasn't part of the food-eating challenge.

Greg Gayne/CBS

So Malcolm boneheadedly spends 20 bucks on beer, and then the rest of the tribe does something even stupider and allows Malcolm to still get the immunity idol clue with $480. Everyone else either had $500 to spend or had already spent some money on food items that did not make the final edit. Either way, not smart. Use your money for what counts.

Then the secret challenge advantage item comes and Reynold, Brenda, and Cochran start bidding in the 300s for it, with it finally going for only $340. $340?!? How does nobody yell out "$500!" the second Probst explains what it is like Sherri and her stupid pizza? Again, the fact they had already spent some of it is no defense, because they should not have spent any of it. Ugh! Do you see how wound up this gets me? I think I need another vacation. (Kidding!) Okay, let’s take this bad boy from the top before I pull a Yosemite Sam and steam starts coming out of my ears.

It’s night 28 after Tribal Council and Malcolm is hoping the ouster of Phillip will lead the rest of that alliance to crumble, and that someone will come over to the “Three Amigos.” I want to say something about this before we move on. Nobody loves The Three Amigos more than me. The Invisible Swordsman is an international treasure, and El Guapo has done more for the word “plethora” then both Merriam and Webster combined. But must every Survivor alliance now have a goofy nickname? What is this, Big Brother? Are we now going to be inundated with Quack Packs and Brigades, and Friendships and Four Horsemen?

Apparently some sort of Freaky Friday type body switching phenomenon occurs overnight because when the contestants wake in the morning, Brenda is sobbing and Dawn is the stable one comforting her. Black is white! Up is down! You must unlearn everything you have learned! “How can we live off of water,” Brenda asks through tears. Well, this tree mail complete with nine envelopes of cash might help.

Okay, I’m going to try to jam through this food auction stuff as quick as possible in the hopes that I will not throw my laptop across the room in a fit of rage as I watch people do really stupid things, but I make no promises. As previously mentioned. Malcolm kicks things off by spending $20 to chug a beer, because getting even more dehydrated is a simply fantastic idea.

Apparently also operating under the premise that saving all of his money is pointless, Reynold pays $180 for…something. He bids for one covered item, but then Freaky Friday continues as Jeff Probst morphs into Monty Hall before our very eyes to play Let’s Make a Deal, offering two other covered items and letting Reynold pick among the three of him. He sticks with the original, which turns out to be a slice of pizza, and learns he gave up the chance at a rotten coconut (Whoo-hoo!) and the entire rest of the pizza (Doh!)

The stupidity virus spreads like wildfire as Sherri and Dawn then spend all of their money on pizza and chicken, and next thing we know Malcolm is buying ‘Information in this game” for $480. That information ends up being a clue to the location of the next hidden immunity idol and why would anyone want to stop him from getting that?

Next, Andrea buys pasta and wine for $280 only to find that it’s the bi-annual Suckers Delight, where she has no choice but to give it all back for rice and beans for the tribe. Then Cochran buys the advantage at the next immunity challenge for $340 because why would Eddie or Reynold possibly want to have THAT in their possession?

NEXT: The producers tell us who wins the immunity challenge before it even begins

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