Survivor season premiere recap: Brain Drain

The Brains tribe makes one stupid move after another, displaying a complete lack of Survivor smarts.
Ep. 01 | Aired Feb 26, 2014

SITTING DOWN ON THE JOB J'Tia didn't exactly make a great first impression

Monty Brinton/CBS

But the battle of the stupids is not truly joined until puzzle queen J’Tia — in Garrett’s preferred poker parlance — goes and decides to not only call, but raise Garrett by doing something to ensure that there is no way possible that anyone would even dare to reconsider keeping her on the tribe. She grabs the bag of rice and pours it out into the fire. That’s right: She decimates her tribe’s food supply. Gone! Done! Over! Exactly the type of thing you would expect someone with “brains” to do. By that logic, Brandon Hantz must be considered the smartest player to ever don a buff.

But here is the craziest thing of all: As bad at building shelters as she was, and as bad at swimming as she was, and as bad at puzzles as she was, and as bad at not going on a lunatic rampage and throwing out 98% of her tribe’s only guaranteed source of food as she was, J’Tia does not get voted off. BECAUSE THERE IS ACTUALLY SOMEBODY EVEN WORSE!!! Don’t believe me? Just check out Garrett’s next Tribal Council performance as he calls out having an alliance, but then backtracks on that, says J’Tia is gong home, but then says he did not say that, and basically makes no sense at all. And then they vote his ass out. Of course he could have used his hidden immunity idol…had he not left it back at the beach. No doubt about it, Garrett was terrible on many levels, but I really feel I simply cannot emphasize this one point enough: THEY KEPT THE CRAZY BROAD THAT JUST THREW OUT ALL THEIR FOOD! How nuts is that?!?

“Well, this is the oddest tribe I have ever seen,” says Probst, and I have to agree. Just truly bizarre, head-scratching stuff. And I love it. I guess I feel kinda sorry for Spencer and Tasha, who seem like normal enough people, but if their pain is viewers’ gain, that works for me. And hey, Denise and Malcolm were in just as lame a tribe in Survivor: Philippines and things turned out okay for them, so don’t rule these folks out just yet.

So, have I rambled enough for ya? (Hey, two episodes! What did you expect?) This has gone on for way too long so I will wait until next week to reveal my episode 1 pick to win it all. (Hopefully he/she is still around.) But the fun has just begun. You can read Jeff Probst’s take on all the insanity in our weekly Q&A. Also check out an exclusive deleted scene in the video player below of an encounter between Garrett and a topless J'Tia. Seriously. And for more Survivor scoop sent to you all season long, follow me on Twitter @DaltonRoss.

Now it is finally your turn. Did the Brains tribe send the right two people home? Could you keep someone that ruined all of your food? And who are you loving and loathing? Hit the message boards to let us know and I’ll be back next week with another scoop of the crispy!

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