Survivor season finale recap: How To Lose A Million Dollars

Woo channels the ghost of Colby Donaldson, and hands away a million dollars to Tony in the process
Ep. 13 | Aired May 21, 2014

FEARSOME FOURSOME One of the people in this photo is getting closer to making a super costly blunder

CBS

Anyhoo, Spencer then ups the ante on his previous offer to Tony by saying that if he ends up in situation where he can take Kass or Tony to the end that he will take Tony, and then asks the jury to not vote for him if he goes back on his word. He says he will take himself out of the running if he does not honor that. At first blush, this seems like an obvious lie, but I actually think Spencer would have stayed true to his word and the reason is simple — if Spencer makes the finals, it doesn’t matter who he faces, because he wins. He’s like the anti-Kass, who would have lost no matter whom she faced. I think they could helicopter freakin’ Dreamz with a Z into the finals to face Kass and she would still lose. (Yep, that’s right, I just dropped a Dreamz with a Z reference into this season 28 finale recap. By the way, I wonder if he’s still rollin’ around town in Yau-Man’s car.)

And it is because of Spencer having such a good chance of winning the final challenge and being a slam dunk winner in the finals that Tony needs to get rid of him, and that’s exactly what he does. But not until we get yet another comment from Spencer while voting. I need to ask this question seriously right now — have there been any Tribal Councils in which we did not hear from Spencer while casting his vote? It’s unbelievable and has to be a record. It’s remarkably also not even his last one of the season! (We see his final Tribal vote later as well.) I wonder if CBS.com has set up a camera in Spencer’s house to record everything he votes on: what to have for breakfast, whether to go boxers or briefs, how many times to curse Kass under his breath that particular day, etc…

So after Tony explains to everyone what the real special powers of his idol were — which is a smart thing to do because now he should get props from the jury for skillfully using a tool that wasn’t even at his disposal — Spencer has to take the walk of shame to the jury house. But his shame is my shame as well because once again my episode 1 pick to win it all has come up short. But Spencer should be super proud of how he played. He was the odd man out on a terrible tribe and yet made it all the way to the final four, even when people were gunning for him. Well done, sir. I have no doubt we will be seeing you again. Then again, I’m sure we’ll also be seeing Kass again so I’m not sure how much of a compliment that actually is.

At this point I am going to do Woo the favor of not repeating the next scene, which is where he makes that infamous declaration about not being dumb enough to bring Tony to the finals. Besides, we can’t waste any time because we have to get to the Rites of Passage to pay tribute to all of the Fallen Comrades who left us along the way. Will it be by land or by sea? The anticipation is simply killing me! But no! Instead, the Rites of Passage has turned on itself and committed suicide because this marks the second straight season we have not been treated to hilariously awkward shots of the remaining contestants attempting to wax poetic about people they either barely or never met. Yes, the Rites of Passage is one of the biggest waste of times of every season but it still may have been worth it just to watch Kass, Tony, and Woo struggling to say something — anything! — about Brice, whom they never even played with. I can just picture Woo now: “Um…yeah, Brice was…like, totally a player who…um, came to play and he showed honor and integrity and…yeah, man. Brice. Totally Brice.”

NEXT: Woo loses by winning

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