Survivor season finale recap: How To Lose A Million Dollars

Woo channels the ghost of Colby Donaldson, and hands away a million dollars to Tony in the process
Ep. 13 | Aired May 21, 2014

FEARSOME FOURSOME One of the people in this photo is getting closer to making a super costly blunder


So on to the reunion we go, but first I guess we need to touch on those other live elements we got during the actual finale. Save for that one random moment where Probst looked like he was assembling a Survivor version of the Baseball Bunch with all those little kids grouped together in the audience, I thought the live look-ins were fun. I don’t know, maybe it was just because I was obsessed with this guy.

And this guy.

And this guy.

I DON’T CARE THAT IT IS ALL THE SAME GUY! THAT’S HOW INCREDIBLE HE WAS! (Did someone vomit up a paint palette on that dude’s shirt or what? Spectacular.) As for the actual reunion, here are a few thoughts. • For a while I thought Tony was trying to kick-start a classic slow-clap scene from an inspirational sports movie the way he kept periodically mashing his hands together. Then again, I guess anything to distract him from speaking llama must be considered a good thing. Interesting that he and Sarah are not really on speaking terms. (I thought that according to Probst earlier in the show that everyone was getting along just swell!)

• Wow, Probst was really throwing Tyler Perry under the bus for the unpopular super idol, in essence saying “Hey, if you don’t like it, blame this guy!” Perry noticed it as well, joking that, “Yeah, lay it all on me because you got all the backlash.” Jeff then got the audience to yell that they would have liked it had Spencer found it, but I disagree that the popularity of the idol depended on whom you were rooting for, because I liked Tony but argued about what a mistake going back to the Cook Islands idol was, and I know a lot of people who feel the same way.

• John Cochran looks even more uncomfortable being awkwardly wedged into these reunions for seasons he was not even on than he did the first time he took his shirt off in South Pacific. And that is saying something.

• I don't care what he said — Ninja Stealth Woo looked suuuuuuper depressed on stage. I would be too if I handed away a million bucks.

• We got updates from a bunch of dudes in the back row that were completely underwhelming. I have never been one of those people that thinks you have to talk to everybody. Put them on the stage? Yes. But you don’t have to talk to them and this illustrated why. Snoozeville.

• We sure did get a lot of shots of that Albert guy.

• WHAT?!? Again, no oversized novelty check?!? I mean, c’mon! What’s the point of even playing if there is no oversized novelty check waiting for you at the end?

Okay, you can tell I am clearly getting a bit loopy now, which is what happens after you cross the 6,000 word barrier. Yikes! Okay, time to sign off, but before I do, a few quick programming notes and then a final word. I’ve got all your scoop (beyond what you saw on TV) about the next season of Survivor right here. And you can check out an exclusive deleted scene from last night’s episode in the video player below. My finale Q&A with Jeff Probst is now live and  individual interviews with the final four will be soon. I’ll tweet out updates when they are live, so follow me @DaltonRoss for that.

I’ll end by just thanking all of you. One, for making it this far in what may be my longest Survivor recap ever. And two, for sticking around for another season of weekly fun and strategy talk. I’ve been doing this for a long time (maybe too long) but your kind words are much appreciated and keep me keeping on. Have a fantastic summer and I’ll see you back in the fall for Survivor: San Juan del Sur — Blood vs. Water! Oh, and happy birthday, Jeff Probst’s wife, whoever and wherever you are!

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