Survivor recap: The Man Who Could Not Stand Still

Instead of being patient and following a laid out path to victory, Tony makes a bold move that could doom him in the end
Ep. 08 | Aired Apr 16, 2014

AND THE WINNER OF THE WORST SELF-APPOINTED SURVIVOR NICKNAME IS...The Opportunist!

Michael Yarish/CBS

QUOTE #3: “You might as well just call me The Opportunist because if I see an opportunity, I’m going to jump on it.”— Tony

The Opportunist is just a terrible nickname and I did not want this column to pass without noting that. What the hell is The Opportunist anyway? A less handsome version of Simon Baker?

QUOTES #4-6: Sadsack LJ Medley

“I built a strong bond with Tony and my loyalty is there. I pulled that idol out for him and we’re in it till the end and I trust that he’ll do the right thing.” —LJ

“I made a plan for the future and it relies on patience.” —LJ

“I trust Tony. He’s the reason I’m still out here.” —LJ

You know, I can’t help but wonder at some point if you are a contestant on Survivor and you keep getting pulled aside by a producer to shoot confessional interviews, and then that producer keeps asking you, “Hey, so how confident are you that Tony will stay true to you?”…well, I can’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, you might start to wonder, “I wonder why they keep asking me about Tony.” And you might want to think about doing something about that.

But poor LJ. The more he talked about how great Tony was and how much he trusted him and how they were “in it till the end,” the clearer it became that he was about to get blindsided by The Opportu…you know what? I just can’t with that nickname. But as bad as I think this move by Tony was, and as nice a dude as LJ appears to be, there is something delicious about watching a completely ambivalent lamb being led to the slaughter. These moments are always pure Survivor gold, and this season has been filled with them.

QUOTE #7: “You guys ready to get to today’s reward challenge?” —Jeffrey Probst

I’m always obsessing over Probst’s other go-to moves such as looking to the ground when he instructs everyone to “Come on in, guys!” or when he inquires as to whether they “Wanna know what you’re playing for?” that I feel I have not given this particular Probst-ism its proper due over the past 14 years, even if there has yet to be any evidence presented to the contrary that the contestants, in fact, are not ready to get to a challenge. Still, just once, I’d love for someone to reply “Not really, Jeff. Can we call this one off, by chance?”

QUOTE #8: “I like big moves, bro.” —Tony

Honestly, Tony should probably have this inscribed on his tombstone. It certainly explains everything about his gameplay. Make no mistake, whether you love him or loathe him, Tony is a fantastic player to watch. Because he is constantly in motion. He can’t stop himself! He is addicted to action. He craves the drama. Sometimes this leads to strong moves on his part because he is thinking when and where others are not — like finding that hidden immunity idol and turning Sarah to his side — while other times it can bite him in the butt. “I like big moves, bro,” basically sums up everything about him. That aggressiveness can be both an asset and a liability.

Of course, the other reason this quote is so absolutely perfect is because it was delivered as three dudes were sitting in their robes getting foot massages. Talk about straight up pimpin’! It’s almost as if Tony could not resist making some sort of deal with whomever he went on the Survivor spa reward with. Once it was Spencer and Jeremiah, that just kind of sealed LJ’s fate.

NEXT: More reasons why Tony made the wrong move

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