Survivor recap: The Legend of Boobs McGee

Morgan's only compelling reason for anyone to keep her around is by bragging about how terrible she is. It doesn't work.
Ep. 07 | Aired Apr 9, 2014

IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN On the other hand, Spencer did win two immunities and this impromptu wet t-shirt contest

Michael Yarish/CBS

Maybe LJ was right. The same way he warned Tony not to get hypnotized by the heaping helpings of flesh protruding from Morgan’s chest during that reward challenge a few weeks back, perhaps I was merely in some sort of trance. Maybe it was some sort of mind control not unlike having your heart touched by the staff of Loki, sending you into an immediate zombified state. Maybe I simply was grading her on a curve — no pun intended — because I know that Morgan is “used to things being easier for me and not having to work that hard to get things.”

I don’t know what it was, but I do remember writing back near the beginning of the season that “Morgan has a little bit of game.” Now, I was clear that it was not a lot of game, but I thought she had a little. I saw the way she got busted for searching for a hidden immunity idol but covered her tracks pretty well when put on the spot. I liked the way she threw Jeremiah under the bus after he voted off Brice. I thought that was a pretty savvy move to cast doubt on him in front of his alliance, but it turns out I mistook spite for strategy. And imagine if Jeremiah had not actually been good looking! She would have torn him to shreds, because being “not young” and “not cute” is probably the ultimate low in Morgan’s book. (Incidentally, this is not to imply that Morgan actually has a book or has ever read a book.) I’ll also never understand people who use age as an insult. It’s like, do you not realize that you are getting older even as you read this very sentence? You are on your way to becoming exactly what you criticize. Have you not figured that out? Also, getting older is great! I mean, it beats the alternative.

I write this mea culpa about Morgan because it is now clear that the woman had no game whatsoever. She was terrible in challenges, we knew that, but what was surprising was her absolute lack of a social game. She went through this entire season with a sense of total entitlement. She wasn’t friendly. She refused to do any work around camp. She sulked. In short, she gave nobody any reason to keep her around except by pointing out how completely terrible she was in every facet of Survivor. Of course, Morgan was not cast on the show to be great at the game. She was cast on the show for two very big reasons, and I think we all know what those are. But if you want to blame CBS for shameless sexpot casting, that street goes two ways. Just look back at One World where they cast a bunch of brainless beefcake hunks who treated us to one of the worst seasons in the history of the show. These alleged hottie contestants rarely give us anything. In any event, I kinda hoped Morgan might prove us wrong and bring some other dimension to the show, but in the end, she was just Boobs McGee. Nothing wrong with that — at least in her proverbial book, apparently — but that’s all we got. And that’s why she’s now out of the game and on the jury.

Now let’s take it from the top and recap this bad boy of Survivor: Cagayan! The tribe makes its way back from Tribal Council and Spencer is pissed about Kass flipping. “I want you to understand I’m not personally mad,” he tells her. “I’m not upset. I just think it was a bad move.” He’s right, it was a bad move. Terrible, in fact. So terrible that Spencer doesn’t want to hear it: “Kass, you taking strategy? Just stop. It’s an embarrassment.” But Kass is convinced that her move was a “triple win” because she got rid of Sarah and both the big guys played their idols. “I’m a free agent,” she boasts, apparently not recognizing that free agents tend to not win Survivor because they have absolutely nobody to protect them.

NEXT: Return of the awkward product placement!

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