Survivor recap: Numbers Don't Lie, But People Do

The former Brawn folks have the advantage after a tribe switcheroo, unless someone jumps ship
Ep. 04 | Aired Mar 19, 2014

SURVIVE THIS! A tribe reshuffling forces the players to adapt and adjust their game — with some doing better than others


Unfortunately for Trish and Morgan, that means they have to sit out and do not get to participate in the most phallic competition in Survivor history. I seriously don’t even think I should provide any play-by-play for this one because it would be just one creepy double entendre after another. That’s the thing, though — with a challenge like this I’m not even sure if they count as double entendres. They’re merely single entendres. After all, they’re repeatedly ramming — or is it thrusting? — a giant penis-shaped log into objects as hard as they can, for crissakes!!! (And before you say, "Oh, c'mon, Dalton, it is clearly a large pencil," my answer to that is...EXCATLY!)

Which makes it all the more shocking that the tribe with only two men defeats the tribe with four men. (Or maybe that’s not shocking at all.) But Aparri comes out as winners, leaving Tony to sit and murmur “How did that happen?” to himself. But Tony is certainly not murmuring when he gets back to the loser tribe's beach. He is speaking loud and clear: “LJ is a threat, so he’s going home first.” Cliff, Woo, and Lindsey all agree, so I guess we can pretty much pack this up right now and get to our “Next time on…Survivor!” preview clip.

But hold the coconut phone for a minute! Trish has other ideas, telling LJ she wants to make a new fearsome foursome of them and the Bland woman (again, that’s her name) and Tony. But what will Tony say about that? Here’s what Tony says about that: “I don’t know if she’s bipolar or schizo!” That’s because they have a 5-2 numbers advantage right now. Why willingly give that up? Here’s why: Because Trish and Tony know they are on the bottom of that five. If they want to move up, they have to move out. Again, had Cliff, Woo, and Lindsey not made the pecking order so blatantly obvious, this might not be happening.

This is not to imply that this was a slam dunk move for Tony and Trish, especially Tony. While they both move up in the pecking order with such a move, it also puts them at great risk should they run into more Beauties at the merge. What if Alexis or Jeremiah are still there and the Beauties decide to regroup? Then Tony and Trish are on the outs. Of course, that is not looking super likely the way things are shaping up over on the other beach, but Tony and Trish have no way of knowing that at this point.

Tribal Council features another brutal rainstorm, messing up Jeff Probst’s perfectly coiffed hairdo. (Dimples still rockin’ though!) Most of the talk centers around the importance of numbers, although it would have been 1,000 times more awesome had most of the talk centered around the importance of Numb3rs, the long-forgotten CBS drama starring David Krumholtz and a backwards letter E. “People have to understand that this game is about numbers,” says Cliff. He’s right, you know. But then Trish hits him back with her own truth bomb: "Numbers are important, but numbers are only important if they work for you. If not, then maybe you have to make other arrangements for yourself.” BOOM! She is so freakin’ right. And what does it all mean? Well, Cliff, if an NBA playoff series doesn’t really start until you lose a game, then your Survivor playoff series just started. Only one problem: It also just ended, because you got voted out. No best of seven here, baby!

NEXT: Thoughts on the season so far

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