Survivor recap: Numbers Don't Lie, But People Do

The former Brawn folks have the advantage after a tribe switcheroo, unless someone jumps ship
Ep. 04 | Aired Mar 19, 2014

SURVIVE THIS! A tribe reshuffling forces the players to adapt and adjust their game — with some doing better than others

CBS

Over on Aparri, Sarah is bumming, the only person from the Brawn tribe to now end up with this new group. She could be screwed or she could be the pivotal swing vote against the three Brains and the three Beauties. Wait, speaking of screwed — Morgan is in the process of getting outed by Sarah, who explains to everyone that the choice the three people sent to camps early got was a bag of rice or a clue to the hidden immunity idol. WHOOPS! Morgan’s sly lie that she chose the equipment for her tribe at the start of the game has now been exposed…although when you get right down to it, I’m not sure Morgan really has any qualms about exposing herself. (ZING!)

But then something truly amazing happens: All three of the Beauties attempt to flip over to the Brains side. ALL OF THEM! Morgan, I can understand. She was on the outs anyway. But Alexis and Jeremiah both want to jump ship as well! Remarkable. Spencer is shocked by their lack of social skills, and he may as well throw strategic skills into the mix as well. And suddenly one of the worst tribes in the history of Survivor has all the power in the world. God, I love this game. Oh, and so much for Sarah being the swing vote.

Immunity challenge time! After making a conscious effort to not look down at the ground for a few weeks while commanding the players to “Come on in, guys!” Probst is back to checking out his footwear while he welcomes the contestants. Now that we are down to two tribes, we only need one idol, so Probst announces that, “We’ll get rid of the small little brother. And keep mama. Or daddy. I’m not really sure.” Okay, I am not completely brushed up on Filipino customs, but if one is the “little brother,” then how did the big brother just become the daddy? Or the mama? Because there is something seriously wacky going on if he can be both the big brother and the daddy or mama, and it’s probably best if we don’t discuss any of the ways that would be possible.

The challenge has each tribe using a large penis-shaped log as a battering ram to smash through two walls, and I think they may be the most inadvertently sexual thing I have ever written in a Survivor recap. So after the penis-shaped battering ram thrusts its way through the defenses — again, NOT MY FAULT! — the log must maneuver through a maze until it bangs a giant gong. Oh, for crying out loud, now it’s getting ridiculous! Seriously, it’s as if challenge producer John Kirhoffer came up with these instructions just to f--- with me.

But, wait, here’s something interesting: The challenge only calls for six members to compete on each tribe, even though each team currently has seven. I’m not going to say this has never happened before where the number of contestants on each tribe is equal yet does not match the number of contestants needed to partake in a challenge, because it probably has and I lost those memory brain cells around my approximately 8,327th can of Milwaukee’s Best, but it certainly is an anomaly. It leads me to believe that there was some sort of challenge reshuffling going on. Maybe the tribe switcheroo was originally supposed to happen later (after one more Tribal Council) but they accelerated the schedule once they saw the Brains tribe having their collective ass kicked. Or maybe the challenge they originally had planned here wasn’t working out for some reason so they had to sub this in last minute. In any event, the whole thing is a bit fishy because they always have these competitions lined up perfectly so that the exact amount of people needed to do it corresponds with the number of people still in the game.

NEXT: Trish makes her move

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