Survivor recap: Cops 'R' Us

Sarah makes a blue blood alliance with fellow police office Tony. But can she trust him? (NO!)
Ep. 02 | Aired Mar 5, 2014

A FLUID SITUATION The Brawn tribe once again kicked Beauty and Brain butt in the challenge.

Monty Brinton/CBS

“Come on in, guys!” Ever wish you could just say that and people would start walking up to you single file with a giant flag for no particular reason? It’s never worked for me, but Jeff Probst seems to be the master at it. He welcomes the three tribes to the challenge and then explains the rules. One person from each team will use a bucket to scoop water out of the ocean, and the tribe will then pass that water from tribemate to tribemate through the air to a container, which will drop a ball when filled that will then be used to solve a vertical maze. Winners also get comfort in the form of blankets, pillows, a mosquito net, and tarp, while second place gets a tarp. Since Beauty and Brawn each have two extra members, they have to sit two people out. Beauty sits Jefra and Alexis, while Brawn sits Tony and Lindsey.

There are two big takeaways from the first water-throwing portion of the challenge. 1.) Producers do not waste A SINGLE SECOND of showing Boobs McGee in what basically amounts to a one-woman wet t-shirt contest, with water cascading all around her heaping helpings of flesh. And 2) All the practice by the Brains tribe was a complete waste. Tasha in particular cannot throw a bucket to save her life. Maybe she was too busy stealing glances at Boobs McGee to concentrate on the task at hand. I have no idea. I just know that she and her teammates are positively terrible. “Brains tribe in last, as usual” says Probst…as usual.

Beauty gets way out in front, and LJ and Jeremiah start working on the maze first, followed by the Woo Brawn Clan (which is to say, Woo and Cliff). Finally, the Brains bring up the rear. But unlike last week, when the Beauty tribe defied stereotypes to come back on the puzzle portion and beat the Brains, this time a restraining order has been issued against J’Tia, not allowing her within 50 feet of any and all puzzles. That means Spencer and Kass are on it, and they make a furious comeback, falling short of Brawn, who takes the top prize, but beating Beauty for their first challenge non-loss. It’s pandemonium! Spencer hugs Kass! Tasha yelps with joy! J’Tia runs over to the Brawn tribe’s beach and pours out all of their rice! Meanwhile, the Beauty tribe can only hope that Garrett does not somehow reappear and force them to vote somebody out right there on the spot. (Survivor bylaws do, however, dictate that anyone who is immediately voted out at a challenge setting be treated to one immediate soothing backrub courtesy of Jeffrey Probst.)

Before we head over to the Beauty beach, we take a detour over to camp Brawn to see Tony rummaging through the comfort kit to locate his second clue to the immunity idol (which he already has). Why is nobody else bothering with this? Hiding clues in reward gear is a go-to Survivor move. Either these people don’t know the game that well, or are too dumb or lazy to bother. So props to Tony for actually getting out there and, you know, playing the game. (Confession time: I also rewound and played back Sarah falling in the hammock three times. I mean, why wouldn’t I?)

NEXT: Does vote-splitting make sense?

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