Survivor recap: Mudslingers

Chaos Kass is unleashed yet again while Tony makes a dangerous move and Spencer moves one step closer to victory
Ep. 12 | Aired May 14, 2014

HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE The players got down and dirty for pizza


When it comes to handing out rewards, Survivor just can’t win. If they get some embarrassing Outback Steakhouse-like sponsorship, I mock it to high hell. But what I find interesting is when they don’t trot out the awkward product placement, I sort of miss it. Maybe its like Stockholm Syndrome. It also causes me to worry a bit about the marketability of our beloved franchise. Like, are you telling me they couldn’t score some Papa John’s product placement for this hot pizza reward? No Little Caesars action? They couldn’t even shake down Shakey’s? Anyhoo, the contestants are playing for generic brand pizza today. But to win it, they need to dive into a pit of mud and transport as much of the mud as possible and scrape it into a bucket. Most mud in the bucket after 10 minutes in.

“Hey, no fair! Those people with long hair have a clear cut advantage because they can squeeze mud out of their long flowing locks that someone like baldy Tony cannot. That is a massive advantage that ensures one of the women or Woo will win!” (That was me screaming at my TV when the challenge began.)

“Ohhhhhh…ummmm…well, maybe it wasn’t such an advantage after all.” (That was me after baldy Tony decimated everyone in this competition, with mud spilling out over the top of his bucket.)

Okay, so maybe I was just a tad off base about the hair advantage thing, but admit it! You thought the same thing. At least if you are as lamely obsessed with nitpicking any and all unfair challenge advantages as I am. This challenge also gave me a flashback to a contest in Nicaragua we tested out which involved diving into a pit of mud and then a haystack to find a bag of puzzle pieces, so you were essentially tarred and feathered. You can check out my sweet post-mud bath look right here. (Not so fun fact! Mark Burnett actually waterboarded me after this debacle by pretending to clean my face off with water while actually just making it so I couldn’t breath. Payback for me not liking his show Casino?)

So Tony gets to pick someone to share pizza with, and the pick ends up being “Anorexia,” or, as she’s more commonly known, Trish. Trish celebrates by yelling and twirling and generally acting like someone that is completely loopy from not having eaten for 34 days. Back at the beach, Woo makes perhaps the first and last on-island reference to a Pauly Shore movie by exclaiming that “I feel like Encino Man!” while Kass sports a hairstyle straight out of Sprokets.

Meanwhile, Tony devours his pizza so fast I’m surprised he doesn’t eat the helicopter that delivered it as well. He eats it so fast that Trish is worried he is going to throw it all up, but the only thing Tony is barfing out is more information. Or is it…misinformation? He tells her (once again) that he has the special idol but says that he plans to use it when there are four people left to get into the final 3. Of course, he’s not allowed to use it after the final 5, but apparently Trish doesn’t know that.

NEXT: The return of Chaos Kass

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