Survivor season finale recap: The Right Person Won

By scoring two hidden idols, the last two challenge victories, and the biggest move of the game, Tyson owned 'Survivor: Blood vs. Water.' And was rewarded for it.
Ep. 14 | Aired Dec 15, 2013

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET TYSON A LONGER BATHING SUIT? I do like the sneakers, though.

CBS

So now comes the saddest part of every Survivor season, when Probst eschews all form of motorcycles, jet skis, and skydiving to simply walk the votes into the climate-controlled studio in Los Angeles. This depresses me beyond reason seeing as how his super-dramatic entrances were my favorite things in the history of things. Probst has personally promised me that he will do another epic entrance at some point before this show goes off the air. At least the recent renewal announcement gives him a few more chances to make good on his promise.

Probst then reads the votes which all (save for Vytas’) come up for the tuxedo t-shirt wearing, Brazilian hair straightened Tyson, who processes the incoming information by moving on from gentle crying to pure uncontrollable sobbing. I should make fun of him. And I guess kind of just did. But I’m also proud of the dude. He played well. He deserved it. It may not be his ultimate dream of getting his own talk show on the Oprah Winfrey Network, but it’s close enough. Again, my compliments. But now let’s move on to the odds & ends from the live reunion show, shall we?

REUNION SHOW ODDS & ENDS
• “We get everybody back together live on one stage,” promised Probst before the commercial break leading into the reunion. Hallelujah! I had some harsh words about the decision last season to not let those who did not make the jury onstage (allegedly due to “staging issues” but more likely to conceal that Brandon Hantz was not invited for it). Probst and I actually talked about this while on location for this season. I told him that while I do not feel he needs to talk to every single person like they did in the old days, that I do feel that everyone deserves the respect of at least being able to sit on the stage for their own season. Plus, as a viewer, I LOVE seeing what everyone looks like a few months later. Who’s got a wacky dress on? Who’s got a fugly haircut? And in the case of this season, who’s got a new boob job? Viewers like seeing everybody, if not hearing from everybody. Glad they remedied that.

• 18 seconds! That’s how long I tweeted out that it took to get our first John Cochran mention and shot at the reunion. But I would like to say for the record that it wasn’t an entirely accurate tweet, and for that I apologize. It was not 18 seconds…IT WAS 16!!!! Of course, that was just the appetizer before the main course of Cochran, who truly has made like his dad and “gone Hollywood.” We heard all about his new job writing on The Millers and were treated to a skit in which Will Arnett rocked a red sweater vest. And then it got very, very confusing with Arnett trying to vote Cochran off the show (I think?) and Cochran then saving his job with an immunity idol (I guess?). Sure, it was silly, but watching Cochran awkwardly attempt to act made the entire thing worth it in my eyes.

• The Culpeppers like to talk. A lot.

• Ciera got a big ovation from the audience. I was really down on her for a big part of the season, but she definitely stepped her game up near the end, to the point where it would not surprise me in the least if they brought her back again. And Probst couldn’t have been more psyched talking about the guts Ciera and Hayden showed in pulling rocks, even looking straight to the camera and telling America that “That’s how you play Survivor!” The entire audience cheered, save for the rock-phobic John Cochran, who at that point was probably hiding under his chair.

• Best line of the night comes from the hostmaster general to Colton after he complained about being on the “AARP tribe.” Ladies and gentlemen, Jeffrey Probst: “You’re the one making jokes about AARP when the AARP kicked your ass and stayed out there the entire time.” Beautiful.

• Rupert spoke some.

NEXT: Kat wants to talk all about her new boobs!

Latest Videos

Advertisement