Survivor recap: Boneham or Bonehead?

Laura’s decision to reveal classified information costs her a spot on the tribe. Meanwhile, Kat cries. Like, a lot.
Ep. 07 | Aired Oct 30, 2013

SMILE IF YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING REALLY DUMB Laura's best intentions led to the worst results when she told Vytas he was being voted out

Monty Brinton/CBS

While Katie may be playing hard to get, Laura Boneham isn’t. She just loooooooooves Vytas. Could it be that deep voice? The fact that he showers strangers with $100 bills like he’s making it rain at a Buns & Roses strip club? Or could it be his super mysterious past? “In my experience, women love a bad boy,” says Vytas “But what they like even more than a bad boy is a newly reformed bad boy.” I’m with you, Vytas! You know, I actually have quite the bad boy past myself. Like that time I didn’t separate the #6 from #1 plastics in my recycling — totally did that on purpose. Or that time I didn’t rewind my rental VHS copy of Youngblood before returning it to the video store — they didn’t know what hit ‘em! Man, those were the days. Sure, now I’m on the straight and narrow, but the fact that I used to be a rebel, an outsider, a misfit —it makes me simply irresistible to the ladies. Right, ladies? Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?

Moving on…

So it’s challenge time! In this one, four members of each tribe are chained together at their ankles while the outside two members for some bizarre reason have their wrists attached to coils that look like old school mosquito repellent. They all then rush through obstacles while collecting bags that the last team member will then use to construct and throw bolas. It actually sounds cool when I write it out like that, but it’s kinda not. Other than one sequence in which Aras does his best to get between Monica’s legs — again, not as cool as it sounds — it’s rather anti-climatic, even as Tyson just barely edges Tina in the bola-throwing portion to take another Tadhana victory.

I can’t say I’ve really had a rooting interest either way ever since they mixed up the tribes, but if a Tadhana victory is what it takes to bear witness to a truly uncomfortable and awkward victory celebration, then so be it. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? If not, go back and watch it. Gervase goes and does a mid-air body bump with Tyson. Okay. Fine. No problems there. If you want to pretend like you’re an NFL wide receiver celebrating a touchdown, have at it (although I don’t know how many touchdowns Gervase’s Eagles have been scoring lately).

But then comes Aras, who partakes in the feeblest, lamest jump and scream I have ever seen. He looks like he’s trying to go airborne and connect in the clouds with one of his tribemates, but he just doesn’t and sort of lands by himself. And the “scream” doesn’t help matters at all. It sounds like a raccoon having its tail stepped on. I have to assume ESPN has already updated their “Top 101 Celebration Fails” to include this gem from Aras. In fact, it is so comical I think it might be time to reinstitute the Wacky Dawn Meehan GIF of the Week. I don’t care if Dawn isn’t even on this season; Aras can play the part of Dawn for the week with this display. Someone needs to get on this pronto. Actually, make it a Vine instead of a GIF this time so we can hear the audio as well. The audio is key.

NEXT: When in doubt, keep your mouth shut

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