'Supernatural' recap: The Big Fang Theory

Just as Dean had his suspicions, we knew right from the beginning of the new season that there was something off about Sam -- something unsettling -- after he mysteriously returned from hell. But after several weeks of giving him the benefit of the doubt, I have officially placed New Sam on the Things I Dislike Strongly list, right between "socially awkward moments" and "that feeling after one too many purple nurples."

In six years, the boys have intentionally and unintentionally hurt each other many times. Some of it has was in good humor (prank wars!) and the rest was a result of possession, but tonight was a whole new level of betrayal. It was not just a cold act, but one so uncharacteristic that it sent chills down my spine in a way I haven't felt since season 2's  "Born Under a Bad Sign," when possessed Sam told Jo, "My daddy shot your daddy in the head."

Before we get into any deeper into that, let's take a look at the episode as a whole.

This week was an ode to the vampire culture, from the silly and sensational to the more serious mythology within the Supernatural world. The episode's opening, which had a 17-year-old Twi-tween type lusting after (and dying at the hands of) a dark-haired, broody bloodsucker, set the tone for what was seemingly a slightly campier episode; but even before the halfway point, we learned it was, in fact, a truly dark one.

It all started with Dean and Sam looking into the mysterious disappearances of local teenage girls. More specifically, Sam was looking into the disappearances at a police station while Dean was outside making plans for a visit with Lisa. We were led to believe it had been a while since they saw each other, and they were feeling every bit of the time. It was a sweet scene. So much so that I felt Lisa (and/or Dean) was within a hair's distance of closing their phone call with "I love you." Neither did.

The boys' trail eventually took them to the house of the latest victim, a girl named (wait for it…) Kristen (a.k.a. Bat-S--t Crazy Teen). Sam, who apparently has a knack for sniffing out teen girls' computer hiding spaces, was all business and immediately started dipping into the victim's pre-disappearance activities, while Dean mostly snooped for his own pleasure and marveled at the girls' vast collection of vampire paraphernalia. (Frankly, I think they would have been less disturbed to find actual drug paraphernalia in the teen's room.)

Eventually Sam cracked the code. (Password: Pattinson. I can't mock this. I have one password that is padackles, but I swear that I made it as a joke.) We found out that the missing girls had been cruising the net for some vampire lovin' and were getting lured by real vampires. (Would this make Sam and Dean the Stone Phillips in this equation?)

The boys headed to The Black Rose, a seedy hang out for the living dead, the soon-to-be dead, and the dead to mainstream society. There, Dean ever-so-briefly tried to get sentimental, asking "When was the last time we had a beer together?" but stone-cold New Sam wouldn't have it and stayed focused on their task at hand. When they spotted their target vamps, Dean trailed "Bieber" while Sam took "Effron." Moreover, Dean continued to prove my theory that there was actually a Tiger Beat stuffed inside all those Busty Asian Beauties mags we've seen him reading over the years.

NEXT: A shocking, heartbreaking act of betrayal.

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