That's what this show is in for getting rid of Mitchell and Clarice and for exposing my eardrums to that hot mess that calls itself Blush. Admittedly, Mitchell's routine last night was a decided low point, but I still think his time came too soon. Regardless, America has spoken, and we are in the process of a contemporary cull.
After a Josh Bergasse number to "On Broadway" from Smokey Joe's Cafe that was defined by Rockette costumes (for girls) and gold satin pants (for guys), Cat mercifully dispensed of the most obvious bad news first, confirming that Mitchell would be in the B4. Joining him were Clarice, despite being 150 percent awesome in last night's Bollywood routine, and Ricky, despite being awesome at life. Tyce strikes twice in one night! Can we just start calling him the Black Hammer? Last to join the B4 was Jordan, making Nigel's entreaty to America last night null and void.
Despite a divisive performance, Melanie was safe. So was Tadd, even though he was outdone by the machine-gun rhyming styles of Busta Rhymes at first glance. Also staying in the game was Marko. No surprise. Also Sasha, through the divine intervention of tWitch. Jess predictably lived to see another week, and his weary arms are surely thanking America that he doesn't have to use them any more tonight. Last to be declared safe was Caitlynn, who simmered and sizzled in her tango with Pasha.
Bittersweet news came as Cat confirmed that not all of this week's all-stars will be back next week. Instead, there will be an entirely new roster of alums that includes Ivan, Jaimie, Anya, Lauren Gottlieb, Neil, Ade, and Lauren Froderman. The only returning dancer from this week is Pasha, who will not be ignored, America. That said, I know there are plenty of you out there who are squealing with excitement that Ade is going to be back on the stage. On the heels of that announcement, Cat also divulged that next week's guest judges will be Rob Marshall and Lady Gaga.
The guest performances tonight were a mixed bag. American Ballet Theatre's Daniil Simkin performed a whimsical, nerdy-schoolboy number to a Jacques Brel song. He was certainly adorable, but are those a couple minutes of my life that I can never get back? Maybe... Snoop Dogg also hit the boards, accompanied by pan-Asian girl group Blush, though what they really should be called is Pussycat Dolls Lite. The obvious similarities were unfortunate, especially since their routine was even more mind-numbingly boring than Nicole Scherzinger's performance last week. Adding to the embarrassment, Cat made sure to plug that fact that they're giving away 15,000 free downloads of their single in the coming week. Try-hard, thy name is Blush. Seriously, though, who did Snoop get high to get those girls on the show?
NEXT: That time we learned what a Bod Pod was