I don't know about you, fellow So You Think You Can Dance fans, but last night's performance/elimination extravaganza has left me more depressed than Jon Corzine's memory-foam mattress. (Topical humor!) Not only did our foppish British judge unwisely choose to cut our sole female tapper, but a just-ousted Phillip also informed us that his father had passed away little more than a week ago. Add those two sad pieces of information to the fact that last night's performances left much to be desired, and you've got an episode worthy of the frown-y face emoticons Mollee likely texts to pals when her Tamagotchi runs out of batteries. :-( :-( :-(
Because, really, I was finding myself more interested in finding out exactly how Tyce manages to maintain that chinstrap than the performances last night — that is, until Karen and Kevin took the stage for their hip-hop number. And they were the sixth couple to perform. Sixth! When you have to wait until more than halfway through the show for things to start to pick up, you know you're in trouble. And probably many of the first five couples — barring OMG Mollee and Nathan — thought they were in trouble.
But in my humble opinion, only four should have had reason to worry: Noelle, Victor, Phillip and, of course, Channing. Perhaps the latter dancer's eyes really do possess some sort of magical, telepathic power that Phillip ascribed to them. (Obi-Wan's looking good these days, huh?) How else do you explain how Channing evaded the bottom four? On stage, the contemporary dancer was clumsy, nervous, and as uncomfortable as a wedgied seventh grader for the second week in a row, and yet, Bianca — who I felt performed well enough to last another week — was put in danger, and eventually sent home. Yes, I know Bianca wasn't perfect. Her solo, while certainly enjoyable, didn't quite leave my heart tap-tapping. (And that short jacket, which accentuated her tight shoulders, was far from flattering — girl was looking like Mike Wazowski in that wardrobe!) But the tap dancer was undeniably fun. And the competition will suffer without Bianca's presence, if you ask me. Especially since the top 16 is filled with some seriously vanilla personalities. And I'm talking straight-up store-brand vanilla — not even the fancy kind with the bean.
Before we move on with the performances, however, I will address Phillip's deserved — but no less sad — ouster. I never really managed to become a fan of the tap dancer, but it was nice to see a contestant who didn't use personal tragedy for reality show gain. (Cough, Gokey, cough!) There was no mention of the tough week he's had during the judges' critiques. There was no mention of his overcoming any sort of non-dancing-related obstacles. And that's sure impressive, coming from a show that has introduced us to contestants that would turn a hangnail into an obstacle of epic proportions. On top of it all, Phillip sure went out with class, thanking an obviously devastated top 16 for attending his father's funeral. So to that, I say: Attaboy, Attmore. Say what you will, but the guy can sure plaster on a convincing smile. And that's more than I can say for Bianca, who looked so ready to clobber Nigel, I was prepared to call Steve Wilkos.
NEXT: Russell lobs a bad one