'So You Think You Can Dance' recap: Look Who's Back!

Instead, Nigel and Co. chose to devote time to trainwrecks who made for ''good TV,'' or, one assumes, what they believed to be good TV. Which is what lead us to meet unnervingly close siblings Xavier and Brynelle Blanton, whose audition was indeed like watching two kindergartners bouncing around their basement as they attempt to reenact the Mia Michaels Lacey/Kameron contemporary routine from season 3. Or Stacey House, whose style of dance is best described as ''epileptic fit.'' Or Kevin ''Shakiro'' Cormier, the 29-year-old hip-swiveling dervish with the most oddly fitting jeans I've seen on a man in quite some time. (Was I alone in wondering if he had an adult diaper on under there?) Or aspiring tattoo artist Nick ''Nasty'' Salzman, whose entire audition still has me wincing, from watching him scrape his closely cropped head across the dance floor (OUCH!) to watching him talk his way out of the judges' good graces. Were some of these auditions oddly compelling in their awfulness? Sure. Was it touching to witness moments like when guest judge Adam Shankman told Debra Lawson, stymied from dancing by her Orthodox Judaism, to keep reaching to connect with God through dance? Of course. But could we have also spent some of these segments' screen time on, you know, telling us Orange Bandana Boy's actual name? Absolutely.

If only these digressions were all as fun as Calico Sequeira's audition, maybe I wouldn't be so grouchy. First of all, even though her Lindy Hop was at a Dancing 101 level, I'm just grateful to learn that there is a person in the world with a name as awesome as ''Calico Sequeira.'' Perhaps it was her name that gave the 30-year-old the fortitude to challenge guest judge Adam Shankman to dance with her on stage just as the judges were politely giving her the brush off. Whatever the reason, the Hairspray director happily obliged, and improvised a cute little number with Calico while delivering some notably fleet footwork. Even visiting Season 4 favorites Joshua, Katee and Comfort all appeared duly impressed — although I do wonder if Mr. Shankman is entirely happy with his decision to squeal, titter, and mug for the camera about ''winning'' a novelty ticket to Vegas, given that he's, ahem, a grown-ass man.

Now, were there any other memorable moments from last night? Hmm. [Flips through notes.] There's something in here about a ''wise Leo'' and an ''Eastern bloc warehouse rave at 4:49am,'' but I don't even remember writing that. Huh. It would appear there's a 10 minute gap in my notes that corresponds with the final 10 minutes of the show. That's odd. I know I can occasionally slip into a state of complete catatonia, but that only happens when I see that (literally) spine-chilling Aphex Twin ''Come to Daddy'' music video. Weird. Oh well. I can't imagine anything of importance whatsoever happened in those 10 minutes anyhow, certainly not deserving of any more attention or encouragement than was already bestowed upon whatever pathetic case was patronizingly trotted out in front a national television audience for the fourth year in a row.

So I guess I'll just tee it up to you, dear readers. How have you felt about this year's SYTYCD audition episodes? Who are you most rooting for in Vegas week? Are there any repeat players from last season that shouldn't be there? Or, for that matter, any you feel should've gotten a ticket not just to Vegas but straight into the Top 20? And wouldn't you like to borrow Broadway-babe-from-1949 Evan Kasprzak's time machine so you could zap yourself to the fall just to be able to watch Nathan Trasoras' dancing as soon as possible? Or, um, is that just me?

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