'So You Think You Can Dance' recap: Picks and Panels

And if you really did care about showcasing the greater world of dance during the results episodes, would you please refrain from insulting your guests, on air, the moment they finish their routines? If I were Robert Muraine, I would seriously think twice about returning for the finale for a dance-off with Phillip Chbeeb after Nigel not once, but twice called me a coward for choosing to step away from the Vegas auditions rather than fall flat on my face tackling choreography I knew I couldn't handle. Of course, I'm me, and I'd love to see those two dance off, so I hope Muraine's got some thick skin, because he was by several light years the most entertaining guest dancer the show's had this season. (Although, I do hope the triple-jointed dude finds music slightly less on-the-nose than C&C Music Factory to pop to next time around.) (And I'm actually still on the fence about whether dropping out of Vegas was the best call, but never mind.)

Okay. End of rant. Because I don't want to leave y'all to your Independence Day feeling all negative — and because I really enjoy contradicting myself as much as possible — I'll close, as I promised yesterday, with a story about...one of the judges, namely measuring the decibel level of Mary Murphy's trademark scream after the taping of this week's performance episode Monday night. To Mary's credit, she was an incredibly good sport about the idea; actually, I don't know if I can fully communicate the depth of her commitment to the task, since she approached me outside the SYTYCD stage with a hard look of utter determination and focus, proclaiming, ''I want to beat the jackhammer!'' She meant it. It was a point of deep pride for her. We actually measured it twice, because the first time, she placed her mouth right up against the Radio Shack sound-level meter I'd purchased earlier that day and blew right past its maximum reading of 126 dB. So the second time, we measured it at the manual-recommended distance of three feet, and Murphy peaked at 125 dB. According to the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association, that isn't quite high enough to beat the jackhammer, alas, but it does best a jet-plane takeoff, a chain saw, and a vacuum cleaner. Which is to say, my ears were seriously ringing as I walked back to my car, but I still could hear Mary pronouncing to any and all around her, ''I almost did it! I almost beat the jackhammer!''

Annnnnd scene. So, dear readers, are you with me and my rantiness about last night's results show, or am I taking it all a wee bit too seriously? Do Thayne and Comfort have any hope at all of making the top 10? And did you know Saving Private Ryan's Ed Burns was moonlighting as a member of OneRepublic? I sure didn't.

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