'Smash' recap: Fringe Benefits

And speaking of pouts: here's Ivy, still suffering through the horrific Patch Adams train wreck that is Liaisons. Crazy Terry wants the show to feature live sheep and peacocks and simply enormous bloomers, which he'll wear while making sweet love to her (just onstage, of course). Like her brunette rival, Ivy's in a jam -- her dream job is turning into a nightmare, and other taglines one might see in an ad for a Lifetime movie.

Luckily, her show and Bombilyn happen to be rehearsing in the same building -- what are the odds! -- which gives the Sultan of Sulk an opportunity to bump into Derek. After sharing their respective woes, he gives her a decent bit of advice: Being good in a good show isn't that impressive. Being good in a bad show, however, will make her stand out. Ivy takes his counsel and runs with it, performing the hell out of her fluffy, harpsichord-accented big solo number the next chance she gets. An audience of journalists loves it; Terry, glowering from the sidelines, does not. If only Liaisons's director could just placate his jealous star by sleeping with him! Isn't that what a director is supposed to do?

Sad Karen goes with Ana to Hit List's first performance, probably so that she can surreptitiously sniff a few more of Jimmy's shirts while he's occupied onstage. It's a good thing Karen showed, though, because she runs into a semi-familiar face outside of the theater: Cyn (a.k.a. Condola Rashad), Terrible Ellis's heterosexual female woman girlfriend. Wait, strike that: They broke up. "Turns out he was kind of a psychopath. Also gay. Did you know that?" Four for you, Josh Safran! Anyway, Cyn lets loose a little nugget of information that makes the tiny hamster wheels in Karen's brain start turning: Apparently, Ellis made "some sort of deal" with Jerry before coming aboard Bombshell. Curiouser and curiouser...

Before Karen can relay this info, she's roped into performing a revamped version of "Never Give All the Heart" at Bombilyn rehearsal. Tom's got the bright idea to stage it as a more uptempo number that's forceful instead of wistful. More importantly, he actually has Karen move around the stage while singing it, which instantly reduces the song's snore factor by a goodly amount. Also, the performance now includes 100 percent more dudes gesturing dramatically, which is obviously the best kind of choreography.

The new "Never" is an unqualified success for everyone... except Derek, who thinks it's exactly the opposite of what it should be. Maybe in reality, he's just angry that Tom had a good idea. Derek's sniping eventually morphs into a big, dramatic, "f--- you, f--- you, f--- you, you're cool" speech that ends with the director up and quitting his own production. Even the combined sexual charisma of Karen and Eileen isn't enough to make him change his mind.

NEXT: La Vie Hit List

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