Image credit: Will Hart/NBC
THROW YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR And wave 'em like you just don't care [about keeping your clothes on while onstage].
Meanwhile, back at the subterranean dungeon where Hit List festers, Unpleasant Energizer Bunny Jimmy has tweaked out an entire act's worth of songs so that Derek won't be tempted to give any of Karen's material to Ana. His plan seems to have worked... until Derek has a stroke -- of genius! -- about re-staging the show's opening. Instead of fading in on a girl with a hunger for fame, he wants to begin Hit List with what used to be the end: The Diva slowly walking past a bunch of ensemble members pretending to be sea anemones, singing a few lines of "Broadway, Here I Come" a cappella, and raising a gun in the direction of an unknown target. When Hit List draws to a close, its audience will learn that the fallen star has actually killed Amanda at one of the latter's concerts.
It's a cool idea that's engagingly staged, and "Broadway, Here I Come" does sound pretty haunting when sung by a crazed gunwoman. But Karen and Jimmy, naturally, hate the new staging because they think Derek has essentially given Amanda's anthem to Ana. Come on, guys; she barely performed 16 bars of the song. Are you really that petty? (Jimmy, with a sneer: "You bet your ass I am!")
It doesn't take long for Jimmy to accuse Derek of changing things just because he's jealous of the dynamic relationship that is Jaren. Derek responds with a burn that actually resonates: "I left Broadway for your little show. I should be at my first preview. Instead, I'm back in high school with you." If I didn't know better, I'd think he had read last week's recap. Anyway, Jimmy refuses to do the new opening, while Derek refuses to let Jimmy stymie the show. The tie-breaking vote is Kyle's to make... and wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, Greenpoint's chief elf actually decides to side with the director over his master. Holy hell, it's like Jimmy accidentally handed him a sock or something!
As Jimmy stews about Kyle's Rebellion -- oh, how the poets will sing of this day! -- Sam tries to convince Ivy to keep the girls covered up in Bombshell's preview performance. This leads to what may be Smash's most intentionally funny exchange ever:
Sam: "I was in Take Me Out. Do you remember the plot?"
Ivy: "I remember... penis. I see your point."
Sam: "Everyone saw my point!"
Heyo! They'll be here all week, ladies and germs; try the veal.
The Hit List gang prepares to do a "stumble-through" for Richard "Ask Me About My Journalistic Ethics" Francis, which is sort of like a dress rehearsal minus the dress part. (The players are generally clothed, though; what do you think this is, Bombshell?) Karen, ever the good friend, decides to feed Ana's method performance by making her roommate actually want to kill her: "[Derek] only gave you that song because he was pissed at me," she says blithely. Mission accomplished, Iowa.
NEXT: The naked and famous