Sleepy Hollow season finale recap: A Horseman of a Different Color

You think you know from crazy finales? Well, you ain't seen nothing yet
Ep. 12 | Aired Jan 20, 2014

CAN I GET A WITNESS? Or two?

Brownie Harris/FOX

The night's first hour, "The Indispensable Man," features much amusing business about cell phones (even Crane knows flip phones are lame; you listening, Morales?) and another major revelation hidden within Washington's bible. How do the Witnesses uncode this latest puzzle piece? Simple: Ichabod happens to remember that one time, General George made an offhand remark about the story of Lazarus. And sure enough, when he and Abbie check the Gospel of John, they find that Washington's version is 67 verses long -- even though everyone knows that the real biblical narrative is only 57 verses. Everyone!

A little lemon juice, a little brushing, and the answer is revealed: Washington writes that shortly after his death, a team of warlocks used some cursed prayer beads and Miracle Max's bellows to bring him back to half-life. (Hold up, says Abbie: "Zombie George Washington?" Say it out loud, use it as your Facebook status, get it screen printed onto a t-shirt: This phrase will never, ever stop being hilarious.) After chomping on some delicious early American brains with his famous gold-and-ivory teeth, Zombie Washington set to work creating a map that only he could draw: one that leads from the land of the living to Purgatory. Meaning that if Crane and Mills can find it, they'll finally have a way to free Katrina... and Sleepy's potential love triangle will really get interesting.

Alas, there's no map to this map. The bible does, however, contain a list of folks who assisted in Washington's resurrection, including Alfred Knapp -- the warlock reverend who tried to fight off Headless with his telekinetic powers way back in the pilot. (Doesn't that seem eons ago?) Using their simple powers of deduction, aided by just a pinch of "crap-it's-the-penultimate-episode-we've-gotta-move-things-along"-itude, the Witnesses surmise that Knapp must have been buried with the cursed beads, that the beads must be drenched in sin, that they must call upon sin eater Henry Parrish (in hindsight: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO) to magically read that history of sin, and that after doing so, he'll be able to give them a few clues about the map's true location.

Long story short: Grave robbery. Sin-reading. Demon attack. The Witnesses and Henry subsequently realize that just as Knapp was entombed with his beads, Washington must have been buried with his map. (Apparently, it's a Masonic thing. Now I'm waiting for Buzzfeed to write a post called "25 Things Only Masons Will Understand.") When he read the beads, Henry saw Knapp transporting Washington's body to a burial site on the water. Ichabod, in response: "There are 21 different islands along the Hudson River." Okay, Sleepy -- I'll give you a few easy answers, but at this point, you're starting to push it.

NEXT: Nice guys finish last, and get transformed into terrifying demons

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