The Real Housewives of New Jersey recap: 'One Flew Over the Chicken's Nest'

In the calm aftermath of the first responders party, evidence continues to pile up in the case of the Marcheses v. everyone else.
Ep. 05 | Aired Aug 10, 2014

LIAR, LIAR, HAIR ON FIRE Amber can't seem to get her story straight with Melissa, but has taken complete ownership of the villain role this season.

Bravo

With the drama of the party behind them, the Giudices decided they needed a wake-up call. Well actually Joe decided to get a chicken coop like the one his late father had in upstate New York for some fresh eggs, a new alarm clock and supposed added responsibility for his four daughters. Surprise? Never have there been so many pairs of Ugg boots in a chicken coop at one time. Not surprisingly, Milania grew closest to the chickens/her new family in the shortest amount of time. Dina used her recovery time to go on her date with Matt from the party, the only potential good thing to result. Though he was over 30 minutes late to arrive at New York's Serendipity 3 restaurant, Matt was still sweet and at least apologetic for his flat tire. [Side note: He did not meet the restaurant's strict $8.50 per person minimum. Bravo must have covered the tab.]

As the epicenter of the storm, Amber and Jim needed some calm time, too. Uh oh,  guess that means it won't last long and look—just on cue is Bobby coming over to try and "figure out how to put Humpty Dumpty back together again." (I think that was a general metaphor and not referring to a specific person, but can we please call Jim Humpty Dumpty?) Bobby is the connecting piece between Nicole and Amber and therefore the initial rumor that was started and brought up at the party. But even though he has been friends with Jim for over a decade and treats Amber like a sister, Bobby is sticking to his love on this one even when Jim goes on a nasty and unnecessary tirade against Nicole and Bobby's actual feelings toward her. And just like that, their friendship is over.

Now back to the important stuff: chickens. Unfortunately, the Giudices' dog Simba ended up eating two of the chickens (thankfully not on camera), so Joe, Milania, and Rosie went out chicken shopping together. The past few seasons we have really seen the relationship between Joe and Rosie grow into something really special, especially against the crazy backdrop of the other dynamic relationships in their family. Rosie uses their time away together to remind Joe that she is always there for him and his family if he ever needs a distraction—like perhaps going chicken shopping—to get his mind off some things. As excited as I am about Manzo'd with Children, a My Cousin Rosie spin-off needs to happen ASAP.

Teresa knows what it feels like to be alienated by others cause it's been done to her before, so she agrees to meet Amber and Dina at a day spa to work out their differences while getting facials. It must have been Amber's idea to get a facial, a.k.a. have a person brushing literal bird poop all over your face when you're trying to talk to someone because it wasn't a very good one logistically at least. Amber tells them that Jim feels badly over his "abrasive" behavior but her own problem seems to only be with Melissa telling the twins what she had told her in the first place. It's a messy game of he said/she said that doesn't get them any closer to a resolution, no matter how many times a video flashback can prove one side right or wrong. Teresa suggests just as she and Melissa worked through their differences, so should Amber. "Jesus forgives the worst murderers in the world and if Jesus can do it, I can do it." Oh God—did Amber really just compare herself to Jesus? And Melissa to the worst murderers?

After some cool-down time, the pair decide to meet. Amber stated she wasn't looking for an apology from Melissa, "just explanation and empathy for what she started." In other words, Amber is looking for an apology from Melissa, who greets her with a slightly passive questioning of how her head was feeling, immediately bringing up the "trashy beyond belief" hair pull moment from the party. You have to be a little suspicious of her actions when Melissa literally can't wait to sit down before she brings up the drama. The main arguments between the two are that Amber is mad that Melissa told the twins what she had "heard through the grapevine," but Melissa doesn't understand why Amber put her in the middle in the first place. One thing Amber makes clear is that she doesn't want to speak to the twins again (I think the feeling is mutual) and is considering doing the same with Melissa. But for what reason? Seriously, this woman gets nuttier by the minute. As Melissa accurately puts it, she had welcomed Amber back into her life with open arms and introduced her to her friends and family only now to be treated like she is a demon of some sort. No one understands what Amber's agenda is, besides trying to make good TV and a season 7 renewal contract. When Melissa tries to organize another time for the woman to all sit down and talk, Amber simply says it's "not happening" and things end on a calm note, which can only mean more rage next week.


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