Bajina power! It was three against two on the dueling sofas. Well, two and a half really, as Peggy only spoke up twice. "Stop the bitching," she suggested to a hissing and scratching Tamra and Gretchen. We're with you Peggy, we're with you. "Diss-ease causes disease." And, ya lost us.
Andy seemed rather content to lean back and let Gretchen and Tamra slug it out. Although I did appreciate when he quizzed Alexis again about the definition of couture. Come on Andy, she can't hold the meaning of couture and her marriage is a rose garden metaphor in her head at once. Maybe she'd feel safer being smart if she was a man? Maybe if she was a man she'd have paid better attention to her family's finances that resulted in a supposedly shady short sale of their house? Whatever. By the way, all you mothers of four-year-olds. Her son can totally turn on the remote by himself and suss out if there's any bath tub shenanigans ever playing anywhere on the TV. Can your four-year-old do that? Boneheads.
In one three-minute display of genuine pathos, Andy rolled the footage of Vicki and Donn's disintegration. And if that didn't hit Vicki in her pink parts, the surprise interview with Donn surely did. He got served with divorce papers at work, because Vicki's attorney didn't trust that he wouldn't play fast and loose with their shared assets. (Ouch.) He deserved better, but at least Vicki seems to know that. Say what you want about the woman but I felt for her as she was describing feeling adrift now that she was no longer someone's wife. The image of her and Donn laying back to back in their jammies after their vow renewal or her now going to fiddle with a suddenly absent wedding ring was kind of tragic. Poor Briana, who Vicki rather indiscreetly announced was giving her Ma a hard time about the divorce. Does her daughter want to meet Vicki's new man Brooks? "Hell no." But Vicki said her love tank was finally full (gross) and that she and her new man like to work out and shop together. Whatever floats your boat. Oh, and Donn? Vicki has a new boyfriend. Sorry you had to find out on national TV. You too President Obama.
So if Vicki wants to get married again, she's probably not going to have a double wedding with Gretchen. She just doesn't know if she believes in marriage anymore. Take it away Alexis: "What?!" Tamra snapped that if Slade was loaded she'd suddenly rediscover her belief in marriage. Gretchen told her to go f^#^ herself. Tamra said she was just jealous and why didn't she go slather herself in K-Y and Skype a legs-in-the-air session to TMZ. Obsessing! Classless! Prostitution! Whore!
Tonight: "Are you deaf?" "Are you stupid?" "Who could miss a bitch fest like this?"
Talk to me: Why can't our Tamra resist gutter blows? Does Alexis understand her rose garden analogy as well as she thinks she does? Would you rather do anything on a Saturday night—mass with Alexis, makeup clinic with Gretchen—than go to a Journey concert with Jim? Whither poor Fernanda?