And so another season comes to an elegant conclusion. The girls each said their piece, apologized for their missteps and admitted their imperfections, all the while holding their graceful heads high. Oops, no. Instead, Slade accused Tamra of going down on Orange County. Tamra left her couch in a huff to call Slade's ex in the green room and make sure she'd gotten the details of his failure to pay child support right. (What is the most icky in this equation? Slade's apparent lies, Tamra's meddling in the name of righteousness, or her obnoxious jewelry that matched her phone?) We really could have used a WWHL last night so Andy could play a drinking game with the word "compassion." Oddly it seemed to be on all the Housewives' inflated lips, uttered right before they took swipes at one another's jugulars. Yeesh, these women hate each other.
The episode opened with Andy replaying clips of Peggy describing her postpartum depression. (Odd thing to watch the woman gleefully extol her ability to rapid fire and then tearfully remember the terrible day when she thought of using her gun on herself.) I will say though that she spoke of her depression movingly, explaining that she felt trapped in both her body and her home, and that while she didn't want to abandon her family she felt her very presence was doing everyone a disservice. "Hmm, hmm," said Alexis, not looking very compassionate, "I suffer from it as well." Oh for the love of, here we go. "You only had it with the twins, I had it with both," said Peggy. "I had postpartum but my Dad was dying at the same time," countered Alexis, who was kicking herself for not bringing her postpartum up on Season 5. Tamra snake-sneered on the other sofa about Alexis' claims. Alexis rolled her eyes and prayed for a text from Jim that could shut Tamra down.
So what exactly is the beef between Alexis and Peggy? Aha! It's a slab of chuck named Jim. Apparently Peggy dated him 15 years ago and by dated she means they went Harley riding (yep, I can totally picture it, and I'm gagging) and maybe made out for a few weeks. When Jim and Alexis first started hanging out with Peggy and Micah Jim made Peg promise that she would never tell Alexis of their past. Hey, no biggie, Alexis is so totally cool with that. "We don't talk about exes," she insisted, her voice like a tight rope. "We don't talk about the past. We've been together seven years and that's when our chapter started." But she'd just assume that the bitch on the other sofa burn for not telling her the truth. Jim gets a pass because Jim is her king, but Peggy will pay for her lies. And so she may have tried to keep Peggy off the show by telling her casting was only interested in brunettes. (At this point I picture Fernanda backstage with an intern, who keeps assuring her they're totally going to do a Reunion Part 3.)
NEXT: Tamra would have brought her Mace if she knew Slade and Jeana were coming.