'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap: Girls Gone Wild

I worry (not really) that I've spent too much of this season lambasting the various idiocies that make up Camille Grammer. It's not so much that she comes across as a mean person, or a wicked or dangerous one. She's not a villain—neither as crass and melodramatic as New Jersey's Danielle nor loopity-loop and whacked as New York's Kelly. But I think I watch every one of her scenes with curled lip and cocked eye because she's so ridiculously, harmlessly, tediously self-absorbed.

When she insisted that Nick sit beside her so she could flirt with him, it was understood that Nick's wife must laugh as if Camille had said something terribly amusing. Her entourage of nannies and assistants and house manager agreeably shook their heads in faux empathy when she moaned over and over again that she was just not used to living in these kinds of conditions—these conditions being a 3,500 square foot New York apartment that looked straight out of a Nancy Meyers movie. Though yes, we at home couldn't help but groan in sympathy when she tried to "get a little sugah!" from the man we now know would soon be leaving her. "It'd be ridiculous to claim we've lived in connubial bliss all these years," he said, trailing off rather miserably.

I believe that Camille felt truly sorry for Adrienne over the loss of her uncle for 10 seconds, and then quickly felt worse for Virgos like her. "Mercury's back in retrograde," she yammered at the table of nodding people she pays to be in her life. I believe—of course I believe!—that she's terribly worried about her mother's cancer. But just as her mother had gotten six words out about her progress, Camille was off blabbing about how she now has to be worried about the genetic mutation and of course with her Virgo luck she tested positive and she had to go in for tests and she's working so hard, what with carrying her binder up and down that big hill from the office to the house, and she's still on Hawaii time and there's only one of her to tell all those nannies what to do and really, it's a miracle she was able to squeeze in this manicure. Meanwhile her mother looked at her with a benign smile and every now and then murmured "Aww...wonderful...I know, it's a lot." These are the types of conversations Camille is equipped for—not those badgering, in-your-face interrogations that involve polite back-and-forths about vacation plans.

Good try, Kyle. Good try taking Camille aside when all the girls first arrived in New York. "On my hand to God," she kept saying, swearing that she would never have ever insinuated that Camille is superfluous if her famous husband isn't at her sinewy side. But Camille swears she heard that. But Kyle swears that's nuts, and she doesn't think that, and would never say that, and really likes Camille and hooray, let's have fun! But see Camille is really shy, like deathly shy. Don't be! said Kyle. There's nothing to be insecure about, everyone loves you, let's rock! Hugs!

NEXT: Camille 2 takes over for Camille 1. Or something like that.

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