The last five minutes of this otherwise tedious episode were like an unexpected Christmas gift. But before we get to the waggling Santas on Raomona's head, and the jolly foul idiots who want themselves some Housewife ass, let's begin at the banal beginning. Who's up for another branding session?! (No one.) Sonja had a little surprise for the friend who as far as we know donated her time and people free of charge to help Sonja with her logo and packaging. Didn't see a Ramona sneak attack coming, did you Heather! Sonja sat through the meeting with a puzzled look on her face. Where was her sexy J? Ramona waited for a lull in the conversation so she could bring up the importance of always keeping a spare notepad in your purse. That way you could doodle horses and wine bottles in one and spell Ramona in bubble letters in the other. How do you think she came up with her logo? Sonja and Ramona weren't sure about using some guy's hot naked torso to hawk a toaster oven. Would it appeal to Grandmas?, they worried. You want the grandkids, said the branding expert. Ah, Abercrombie & Fitch, said Sonja. Ah, bad TV, said I.
Ramona continued to make Heather pay for not inviting her to London. She and Mario arranged a fancy dinner at Le Cirque, where Aviva married the infamous Harry she awkwardly let everyone know, for the rest of the group. LuAnn started talking about her roots and mentioned several times that she was part American Indian. Carole did not approve. Any third grader worth her salt knows not to use that expression when talking about Native Americans. Hear hear, echoed Mario, eager to please. (This from the guy who two weeks ago was making fun of Jacques for having one of them their accent deals. Stupid Frenchie.) Carole was laying the righteousness on a little thick but then LuAnn didn't help matters by doing war cries and purring "Careful with your scalp, baby." That was her Native American Austin Powers impression. But LuAnn refused to be judged. Is it politically correct to call people dahling? No, but she does it anyways. Case closed.
"So we have a special wine this evening," Mario announced, showboating to the table. "Besides everything else," interrupted Ramona. (Classic Singer! Even when she's being generous she needs everyone to acknowledge the extent of her generosity.) Yeah, yeah, yeah, $1400 bottle of red. Ramona's the classiest. She knows her wine. On the subject, Mario swelled up nice and big and let Jacques know that he didn't appreciate his little caper at the wine tasting. Time for Countess to powder her nose! Mario huffed and puffed while both Jacques and Ramona looked uncomfortable. Mario convinced himself that standing up for his woman like this would make up for that time on Season 1 when he ogled lady passersby on the street while out to dinner with his wife.
NEXT: Oh Housewives. Get a Life & Style.