Well if nothing else, the weather in New York is beautiful and Heather's kid Jax is cuter than cute. The fifth episode opened on a lovely day in Central Park. The leaves were turning, the sunlight shining pretty on the women's painted-on highlights. Uh oh, Aviva was feeling jealous. It turned out Heather's kid hit the two-wheeler hard over the weekend, which makes her developmentally ahead of Aviva's kid. Poor Aviva was now at a loss. Which of her fears would most incapacitate her? The fear of Hudson lagging behind his peers on the milestone chart or the fear of him falling off his bike and skinning his elbows? Must consult specialists. In the meantime, she was fretting about Heather's continued failure to invite Ramona to London. Her worry was three-fold: Would the fact that Aviva had bowed out of the trip mean "the cool girls" would turn on her and she'd be relegated to Ramona status? Would Heather come across on TV as an excluder? And, what was that last one?, oh yeah, would Ramona's feelings be hurt?
Aviva just wanted a pinky swear that Heather would always let her sit at the cool table. She didn't mean to be going on and on about this dumbass London trip it's just that the diss was bringing up painful childhood memories from when she was
trapped in a conveyor belt picked last for sports teams. But Heather needed Vivi to understand that she just couldn't risk having Ramona around her international partners. Surgeon General says one must always localize the Ramona. One more thing: Heather thinks Vivi should climb down out of Ramona's ass. It's dark up there, she said, going for zing. It's not good. I actually like Heather okay but she's giving me poor man's Bethenny in her private interviews and it ain't working.
Who knew LuAnn has been trying to get pregnant for over a year now? Perplexingly she's been taking prenatal vitamins for two. She sought out some treatment from a lovely acupuncturist (Hi Kristin!) who wisely suggested the woman consider all her options. This was LuAnn's one scene of the entire episode but she still managed to squeeze in a moment of Countess Ridiculousness. Yes, she drinks one or two glasses of wine at dinner but that's nothing for Europeans. The acupuncturist smiled softly and checked the box for pretentious.
In another doctor's office, Heather brought her six-year-old son Jax in for a routine check-up with his liver disease doc. I love you Jax and your little monkey smile. He's an energetic kid zipping around like any other six-year-old but he's also got to get his blood checked weekly and wear hearing aids and a vibrating vest. The brief scene was a nice reminder of the importance of organ donation and one of those rare instances where a Housewife was actually using her airtime for comfortable good.
NEXT: Ramona don't want no makeover.