Oh my, could you all come over and bring wine? What a deeply weird, troubling hour of TV. This wasn't Kelly losing her jellybeans on Scary Island crazy. This was a breathtakingly unhinged woman grasping frantically for a jugular. I would've given just about anything for a cutaway to Kim and Elizabeth packing up the dog toys or even a scene of Dana's son doing algebra with his Thai friends. Instead, the last half of the episode was a relentless look at Taylor barreling off the rails.
But first, let's quickly dispense with the pre-schiz minutae. Kim—oh Kim, and people always thought you were the messy one!—wanted Kyle to meet her new boyfriend. (Doesn't this sisterly angst all feel so innocent now?) Turns out Bravo pulled a bit of a bait-and-switch on us. Ken's not married, you cynics! Kim gave her guy a promise band. They just really like each other! Sure, Kyle should have stopped crying and blaming it on the dog hair, but she's worried her sister's boyfriend is controlling. She couldn't resist getting in a parting dig after a goodbye hug. "You feel so small and tiny and little and childlike," she told Kim. Which was code for "You are a sweet dum dum who can't be trusted with big girl decisions." But she'll do as Big Kathy did before her. Pretend the man who does not meet her vision for Kim is simply not in the room.
Paul and Adrienne went out to dinner for his birthday. He really wanted her to get the crab. She would give anything for him to never speak aloud again."Marriage, it's work," said Adrienne. True, but in an ideal world you at least kind of like your job. Paul blowing out his birthday candle through very pinched lip made me snicker.
Taylor was nominated for a a Women Making a Difference award for her work on an online beauty site or something. There was Russell, which is always unsettling, and he managed to be rather nice to his high-strung wife. "It's about time someone acknowledges all your hard work," he said, which may be the nicest, most articulate thing we ever heard him say to her on camera. Kyle was running late to the luncheon so when Lisa called her on her cellphone she wondered if Lisa was already at the hotel. Oops! "Somebody's playing games, huh Gigster?" Lisa said disapprovingly at home. "We can play games too, right? Hmmm?" (That sounded kind of evil but I imagine that she, Ken, and Giggy promptly retired to the library where they all played with their diamond-encrusted Kongs.) "You know what Taylor, I think you did the right thing by not inviting her," said Dana.Whatever, Dana. Oh man, Taylor said it was just an honor to be nominated but you could tell from her expression that she really, really wanted that award.
Okay, last bit of levity for the night: Ken wore his purple shirt two days in a row. Giggy has a pram. Lisa served little pink piggie truffles at her tea party.
NEXT: Taylor will not be satisfied until the women each grind a tea sandwich in Lisa's eye.