The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: One Way Ticket to Hell

Brandi's Malibu party turned all kinds of ugly when Camille's friend pushed a deeply rattled Taylor to forgive and forget
Ep. 14 | Aired Dec 5, 2011

WEDGE PARTY Deeper cuts were made to the Housewives fold as Taylor lashed out hysterically at Camille.


"I'll have one more glass of chardonnay since this group drives me to drink, I swear to God," said Adrienne, as she plopped herself down on a stool next to Taylor. Oh honey, you have no idea. "In my life there are people I trust and people I don't trust," said Taylor, her rant gaining steam despite the fact that Camille was standing two feet from her listening to every word. D.D. called bulls--t and resolved to clear the air. She started out awful nice, speaking to Taylor in soothing tones and rubbing Taylor's arm as the woman cried that Camille "was the catalyst to a lot that will haunt me."

D.D. was a dog with a very long bone and she wouldn't rest until Taylor recognized Camille's glowing heart. "Alright then have her apologize to me," Taylor relented, "because if she fights with me I will not let go." D.D. cannot abide by such aggression. "She doesn't want to fight with you, she's been calling you for days, she wants to f--king apologize!" Keep in mind, this whole back-and-forth went down with Camille standing with her back to them. You wanna see backed up against a wall, D.D.? Taylor pointed at Camille and shouted "Outside!" "Taylor!" Um, did D.D. not mention that she too knows how to go Oklahoma on a person's ass? (Meanwhile, Taylor's back-up Kyle was regaling the other women with where she first learned how to swing her ponytail like a lasso. ) "If she wants to speak to me she can ask me to speak with me," Taylor hissed at D.D. Which meant poor Camille, already banished to the deck, now was ordered back in to officially ask Taylor to speak with her outside on the deck.

At this point, was there any hope? Camille wisely told D.D. to back off. Three times. Kyle insisted that Taylor step away from the wall. Linda Thompson appeared, still wearing her belly dance skirt, and worried over the harsh toke the evening had taken. "Look at this big, wide ocean, this ocean is going to be here long after we're all gone." Some people know how to enjoy their cocoon of wealth! D.D. couldn't resist taking another poke at Taylor with her stick and then it was really all over. "You have no idea what she's done to me!" she shrieked, lunging across the picnic table. "No you don't!" She pointed menacingly at Adrienne. "And no you don't!" Adrienne tried to muzzle her, but Taylor couldn't stop railing against the unfairness of it all.

Brandi rather timidly insisted it was time for Taylor to leave her party. Ooh sweetie, no. Kyle slapped at her like a bug, Brandi slapped her hand away. Linda sighed. "You guys are all embarrassing yourself by being out of control. We are an evolved species." At least the sommelier seemed amused by the crazy drunk ladies. Taylor gave him a weirdly flirtatious smile and then left without her wrap. Camille tried to calm D.D. down in the pantry but her friend was distraught. "You need to know I f--king love you!" she wailed. Camille's friends are nuts!

Now Brandi was drunk, crying to the Sober House counselor that all she wants to do is fit in. Linda was leading Adrienne in a meditative chant. Kyle was stuck trying to talk Taylor down from the ledge on the limo ride home. Somebody get the woman a goddamn light! "Stop! Pull over!" she screamed. A hand appeared with fire and Taylor sucked on that ciggie like a torch. Kyle rightly worried for all of their safety. Taylor collapsed into sobs and the action cut to black.

Next week: Um, Vegas!

Well friends? Still with me? I'd ask if nipples really are in this season but that seems so terribly besides the point at this juncture. I do have to give it up to Taylor though who was poised and articulate and dare I say a little moving and self-deprecating on Watch What Happens Live. That said, I will not be buying her upcoming book Hiding from Reality. Power to any readers it may help.


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